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    • Voyager2
      Sure hope this pans out. 
    • Voyager2
      Don't forget there are two promising vaccines on the prophylactic front (but only pre-clinical): The Trivalent vaccine worked well on guinea pigs:  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32347775/ The Einstein (Xvax) vaccine also has a ways to go: https://x-vax.com/ The fact HSV529 is in yet another clinical trial is good news for herpsters. 
    • Davrk8
      thank you for the info. I am uncircumcised. I applied some clotrimazole cream during the last outbreak I noticed, which seem to do the trick (around a month ago). But now, there new dots are appearing at a different location on the glans. Wasnt sure if balanitis can come back so soon or if it could be something else. 
    • Josse
      Looks like mild balanitis. If you are uncircumcised then thats normal every now and then due to accumulation of yeast and the irritation of the foreskin
    • MikeHerp
      I think the simple reason is that this is a fund raiser that was started by our community rather than by Fred Hutch.  Or rather, FHC started it in response to our request.   I still think they should somehow feature it in their pages.  But anyway, that's just how they do it. Keep in mind that FHC's main focus is curing cancer.  It's a cancer research institute.  They might feel that putting stuff on their website that isn't directly related to cancer might give people the impression, especially cancer cure donors (who are by far the main donors to FHC), that FHC is losing its focus. So we have to work within these limits.   However, I do draw strength from the fact that FHC has tried to help us with the fund raiser.  Among others: 1.  When the new research paper is released, FHC has gotten an agreement with a prominent sexual health blogger, to promote the research and the fund raiser. 2.  There is another potential promotion in the works that might get back on track if the US is able to get the coronavirus under control. So FHC has actively helped us to promote the fund raiser.
Behappyiloveyou

How do I tell him?

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Behappyiloveyou
Posted (edited)

Hi everyone. This is gonna be long but please read it all if you can.
I’ve been HSV2+ for about a year now (I’m 21) I was in an extremely toxic and mentally abusive relationship, and I’m almost 100% sure my ex was the one who gave it to me. After being diagnosed, I did everything I could to be educated on the topic. I learned a lot I didn’t previously know. And I also talked to my doctor about how I could best protect myself and others from contracting it. I got put on acyclovir and I began taking it every single day (still do), twice a day (400 mg in morning and 400 mg at night). After months passed from my diagnosis and leaving my ex, I met someone new. I fell head over heels in love for him. We have been together for almost a year now, and I hate to say that I still have not disclosed the truth. And not a day goes by where I don’t think about it. Please don’t judge me and think I’m a bad person. I’ve wanted to since the day we met. Trust me. Each day of being with him and seeing how lucky I am is a reminder of how much he deserves to know. But I am so fearful of rejection, of losing him, and of making him feel betrayed. 

We have done long distance since we’ve been together. Besides me taking the 800 mg daily, I make sure that 5 days prior to anytime I would go see him, I would double up and take 1600 mg a day (this was all recommended by my doctor). It has been effective as my only OB has been the first one. We ALWAYS use condoms (he’s never questioned it) and if I ever feel any tingles or am suspicious of an outbreak coming, I refrain from sex. I’ve done everything to protect him which is why I’ve gone so long without telling him. 

But that’s why I need help and support. How do I do this after a year? How do I tell him and how do I pull myself together? I know the stigma is the worst part and I’ve learned how to combat it. I know that. I’ve learned that. But how do I justify a whole year of holding it back? I know I’ve done my part to be over protective and careful. But I’m so scared. I know he loves me and I know in my heart it’s the right thing. But I can’t help but feel like he will feel betrayal and so I need to know if someone has been through this and what you think I should do or what you wish you knew. My goal is to tell him, and I think another part of waiting so long is not having anyone to talk to about this. I just found this forum today as I’ve allowed myself to go down a deep dive through google of herpes support groups. 

I send my love to you all. You are all so strong and brave and powerful. I have felt so empowered reading these forums. Thank you for making me feel okay. 

Edited by Behappyiloveyou

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Ohsotired2
Posted (edited)

You could tell him that you recently went in for a physical and discovered that you have herpes. Or you could be truthful. 
 

Either way, you disclose. Tell him that you’ve been reading and trying to educate yourself on the topic, etc.

I think whatever you choose will work out in your favor. 
 

Wishing you nothing but the best!! 

Edited by Ohsotired2
Addition

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Elephant in the room?

Best fess up. Most dr s consider anti virals and protection: your golden. That said this scenario is generally frowned upon in the HSV community even if dr s advise it. I don’t judge it but uve gotta tell sooner or later to give him the choice. 

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Behappyiloveyou
3 hours ago, Elephant in the room? said:

Best fess up. Most dr s consider anti virals and protection: your golden. That said this scenario is generally frowned upon in the HSV community even if dr s advise it. I don’t judge it but uve gotta tell sooner or later to give him the choice. 

May I please ask what you mean when you say this scenario is generally frowned upon in the HSV community even if Drs advise it ? And what advice do you have to telling him.. 

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iFdUp
1 hour ago, Behappyiloveyou said:

May I please ask what you mean when you say this scenario is generally frowned upon in the HSV community even if Drs advise it ? And what advice do you have to telling him.. 

He's expressing that medical professionals may offer the advice that you don't need to disclose if you take every available precaution. 

This is NOT good advice. In facts it is illegal to do what some may suggest in the above sentence. 

Some peoples bodies are RAVAGED by HSV, others are less effected. You need to give others the opportunity to decide what risk they will put them selves at, otherwise you're being selfish. 

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Behappyiloveyou
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, iFdUp said:

He's expressing that medical professionals may offer the advice that you don't need to disclose if you take every available precaution. 

This is NOT good advice. In facts it is illegal to do what some may suggest in the above sentence. 

Some peoples bodies are RAVAGED by HSV, others are less effected. You need to give others the opportunity to decide what risk they will put them selves at, otherwise you're being selfish. 

My Drs haven’t told me that I don’t need to disclose even though I’ve taken every available precaution. They’ve made sure to let me know the importance of telling him and I completely understand that it’s selfish and I need to give him the opportunity to decide but what I asked for with this post and what I’m continuing to ask for is advice on HOW to do it, not what to do. I was hoping this forum would help me as you all know how it feels to be the one who has it. And so I was hoping responses would guide me on HOW to do it in consideration to the situation I’m in. I feel shameful and I am angry with myself for waiting. I am. But that’s why I hoped this forum would finally give me the support I need to do it 

Edited by Behappyiloveyou

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Muscha
18 minutes ago, Behappyiloveyou said:

My Drs haven’t told me that I don’t need to disclose even though I’ve taken every available precaution. They’ve made sure to let me know the importance of telling him and I completely understand that it’s selfish and I need to give him the opportunity to decide but what I asked for with this post and what I’m continuing to ask for is advice on HOW to do it, not what to do. I was hoping this forum would help me as you all know how it feels to be the one who has it. And so I was hoping responses would guide me on HOW to do it in consideration to the situation I’m in. I feel shameful and I am angry with myself for waiting. I am. But that’s why I hoped this forum would finally give me the support I need to do it 

I think you are a reasonable person.  I believe you will find the strength to tell him in the way you should tell him, in your own words as only you can.  Praying good thoughts for you  as you navigate this.

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Elephant in the room?
6 hours ago, Behappyiloveyou said:

May I please ask what you mean when you say this scenario is generally frowned upon in the HSV community even if Drs advise it ? And what advice do you have to telling him.. 

I think it’s obvious however for you comprehension:

not disclosing when using anti virals and protection. I believe some drs may tell you you do not need to disclose

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Elephant in the room?

Best straight up but gentle. Pick a time when there is little stress and just honest. 

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Elephant in the room?

As well when I say straight up I don’t think I d blurt our I have HSV first off. Start with the reasons, how much you care and I’d definitely do it in a t/o scenario. When he doesn’t have a lot on and has time to process. 

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Elephant in the room?

Also u could prepare ahead a bit by letting him know there is a difficult topic to discuss. So he needs to make time to mentally prepare for it. 

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