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i have a question

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alright well i just found out i got herpes. like last week. it was my first time having sex and i got it. if you have sex with a guy can they automatically get it when you have it? im so scared to see what a guy would say if they know ihave it. most guys would leave me if they know =[

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They don't "automatically" get it if you have it. The chances are very good, however, if you are having an outbreak with sores and have skin-to-skin contact with them at that time. The risks are lower at other times.

A lot of your concerns are already addressed on these forums. Look around, use the search function and you will find that these questions have been asked and answered previously. There are entire topics based on when and how you should tell your partner about your status.

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definitely use this site and read up on it. it's the only support I get right now. I don't go to an outside counselor (no insurance...etc) but this site and the forum really help out.

Take time to learn more about what you have. It's okay to be afraid. We all are and once were. The people here are pretty supportive and will help you on your way. Take care!

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chicago girl

Hi Jess,

I'm sorry this happened to you. It happened to everyone here at some point in their lives~~i was 38 when it happened to me. I guess that we all need to learn from our mistakes. We all thought that STD's happened to other people, not to US! We are doctors and lawyers and teachers and students, wealthy and poor, black and white~~this virus doesn't discriminate.

You and I now have something in common (who knew you could have something in common with a 38 year old woman from Chicago!!). We both need to educate ourselves on every STD, not just herpes. Let's make this our only mistake. Commit yourself to being healthy and respectful of your partner. Remember that your partner could have HPV or HIV or Chlamdia or Warts or a number of other sexually transmitted diseases. We have seen how easily this can be transmitted, without precautions and education. Let's not get caught in the same situation with another STD.

Use this forum to vent, ask, listen and learn. We are here for you.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
    • Runride
      I've heard of STD dating sites but have never looked into one. Are they real? And does anyone have any experience with them?  If someone does I would really like to hear some details.  They sound kind of scary, but it seems it could also be a relief to know I would be less likely to be judged for this condition.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  
    • NY12345
      Perhaps some of the best advice I received a couple of years back was that even if you do have herpes, it doesn’t mean that everything going on downstairs IS herpes. Blisters on your penis, probably herpes. Cuts in your buttcrack, maybe-maybe not.  You’re not damaged goods, you’re now in the majority of the population which had some form of HSV. Your confidence, honesty and being a good partner will determine how your life moves forward, even if that’s hard to believe now. There will be rejection, oftentimes because of lack of education, and sometimes because not everyone wants to take that risk. That’s ok, people are turned down for all sorts of reasons, that’s just life. It’s ok to be bummed out, but herpes isn’t the end all be all.
    • Anon222
      Hey there, I think you should tell him. Wouldn’t you want the same if the roles were reversed and he had it but you didn’t? He has the right to know and should get tested. From what I’ve read though there’s a good chance that you didn’t transmit it because it’s hard to transmit GSHV1 to another’s genitals.  Don’t feel bad about it. You are a person and people make mistakes. Having this open conversation is important if you truly care about him I think. Good luck 

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