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Partner afraid they will get infected. ;/ Any stories on long term relationships with or without infecting your partner?


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Okay so. I have HSV2, genital. I don't have a lot of outbreaks, even now when I was almost positive I would get them due to extreme stress, I didn't. (Edit. they came :/) The whole thing doesn't bother me much tbh, and I have faith I can be completely symptom free with proper health management or even get rid of this with ozone.

However, my partner is afraid of contracting it and I'm ofc afraid of them getting the infection. We haven't had sex yet as we're in a long distance relationship (and are not meeting anytime soon due to the quarantine, and I will try the ozone treatment in the meanwhile), but they said they wouldn't want to risk getting it due to past trauma about sickness. We are very committed as even in an LDR this is the best thing and match we could ever find.

So my question is, how much of a chance is there really to infect someone if you're taking all the precautions? As in optimally not having symptoms, not having sex when you might be developing symptoms, and ofc not having sex on symptoms, and using antivirals daily. Condoms are a bit of a double edged sword as they might induce symptoms for me, and the less symptoms, the less chance there is to infect my partner. Also the protection a condom gives is questionable. The studies are not very solid and you could still infect the other person while wearing one.

Also, if they were to get it, how much of a chance is there to produce symptoms? Are there differences between specific physiological things, like blood type, race etc?

Is oral sex safer? Could oral infection, that has even less chance of producing symptoms, work as a "vaccine" for genital herpes?

Also how are your negative partners dealing with your positive result? I mean most people aren't aware that they're carrying it.

Edited by StayingPositiveForever
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  • 5 months later...

Hi my partner is overseas and I haven't seen them yet but they accept the risk. I said it's highly likely they'll get it from me as I get frequent symptoms and regular OB's which consist of a small raised bump near opening once a month. They just accept they'll get it and think I'm worth it. This doesn't mean I accept I'm going to pass it but it somewhat means I know he will not used it against me in the future.



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    • Lucy29
      @CHT I am not sure what country you are in but I am in the U.K. and they don’t do blood tests for HSV at the standard sexual health clinics maybe at private ones where you have pay they do.   What would checking my anti bodies confirm ? And she didn’t swab the area as she said there was nothing to swab and no lesions but I am sure there was. She seemed quite inexperienced.  I have had an lesion swabbed years  ago  to confirm HSV2 but no swabs  since.  I would like  to know if they are HSV or my excema as I never know which is which so I just don’t have sex when I get these feelings as I don’t know if I’m having a Outbreak.  I will have a look at the link thanks. I wouldn’t want to go on the implant again as I don’t want 3 years of birth  control in my arm. I may consider the mini pill which is the same hormone as the implant as I can easily stop this it I have a bad reaction. I have an appointment with a specialist at the sexual health clinic next week 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @PlainJane what a thoroughly nasty piece of work! Im afraid it is the waiting game for you, having said that, there seems very little reason for you to suspect herpes.
    • PlainJane
      @WilsoInAus Thank you so much for the reply! You did before I even asked lol. I really didn’t want to talk to her about it. The last time we had spoken she was really mean and nasty to me. Threatening to beat me up because she was drunk. I don’t want her going around telling people I asked her if she has herpes because I have it. Which she absolutely will. Or she does and then I will be her scape goat for her to tell people I’m the one who gave it to her. I guess it’ll be a waiting game to get blood work to confirm or deny the presence of HSV2 antibodies. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hello @PlainJane I think I recall your partner's post and would suggest that what he had as revealed in the photos was almost certainly not herpes - and reaffirmed above! The first thing to note is that you cannot be infected with HSV-1 and then test at a level 43.5 a total of 9 days after the incident. That's not how your body works. It would takes several weeks and possibly months to reach that level. Undoubtedly the HSV-1 infection is old and highly likely an oral infection from your childhood. The next thing to note is that toys or any object are not a great way of transferring herpes. Typically the rubbing of the skin area that is shedding the virus against the recipient's skin is needed. Transfer any other way is somewhere between infeasible to impossible. Your pictures do not look like herpes to me in favour of folliculitis - your partner's thigh shots are almost certainly folliculitis. Also note that this female friend must have HSV-2 for this to even warrant the vaguest notion of herpes being a cause. Can you ask her? If she does have HSV-2, then you will need a 12-16 week IgG test in order to have a conclusive answer (with a strong expectation of negative).
    • PlainJane
      @WilsoInAus Could you review this? You replied previously on my boyfriends post of his butt rash. I guess all I can really do is find a facility who will swab when I have a suspecting bump, since my doctor won’t for some reason and then redo the blood test for HSV2 since it’s now been 4 weeks since possible exposure. 
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