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My first disclosure


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I was diagnosed with HSV-2 three years ago, however, because I got it from my ex, I’ve never had to disclose before. As a result of us recently breaking up, I am starting to date again. 

About a week ago I decided to tell a guy I really like about my status. He was really sweet about it, and hasn’t started treating me differently....but I can sense the sexual desire isn’t really there anymore. Of course, I can completely understand given the circumstance, but it’s doing quite a number on my self esteem. 
 

Im a young, attractive, and ambitious woman. Prior to my diagnoses there was no reason for me to feel like I couldn’t have any man I wanted...but now I feel more like “who could possibly want me”? yes, I know it doesn’t define us...but that doesn’t stop me from devaluing my worth because of it. I’m working on reestablishing my self esteem....but anytime a man approaches me all I can think about while he asks me out is “I have herpes...there’s no way you’d want me”. I know I shouldn’t think like this...but I do.  
 

So does anyone out there have recent disclosure success stories? How difficult has it been for you to find people willing to accept all of you? When is too early to disclose? How do you know the person youre talking to  is kind enough not to judge you? What is the best way to disclose to still keep the relationship in tact?  

 

 

 
 

 

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I feel exactly as you. Whenever someone approaches me with interest, I know it can't work if I disclose my condition.

But I'm also in so much daily physical discomfort that I don't want to get stressed by dating someone.

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i'm going on year 4 ,  HSV anniversary is christmas day : (  

Also contracted from former fiancee

I haven't been rejected( at least not comlpetely) from the 4 people I told.

One was a long distance occasional hookup type relationship where the other person was still married but not sexual with wife. He was from europe.

One BF was american , we dated for a few months, I told him early on cause I was only half interested and I was certain he would run. he didn't. But he didn't take it very seriously, he read on some website that it was no big deal. I also had HPV.  He had very little sexual experience despite being married for 40+ years . he was a divorcee. I wasn't feeling "it /love" so I didn't want to risk infecting him and I ended it. He was a very nice guy though.

the other BF was a trained MD , PHD in immunology. ALso from europe.  He didn't break up with me , but he rejected me sexually. We never had sex. Just a few un-passionate kisses sometimes. He made me feel diseased in many different ways. I ended that one also.

Another guy , also from europe, I was dating for awhile( no sex just kissing) but I didn't disclose out of fear, And finally when I did, he was ok with it. His ex wife had it. We didn't have intercourse, but oral. He had some male sexual issues. But he moved back to europe

I found europeans are generally more understanding when it comes to HSV.

And I'm dating old guys, 50 yrs or older, one 60, another 60+

They tend to be more understanding or perhaps desperate? :D

I'm not sure younger guys would be so understanding.

But I hear you . I also feel like  why would someone want to date me and risk getting HSV.  I hate disclosing.... I feel like shit and cry. Im not dating right now.  I'm working on my trauma and emotional problems from getting HSV and ghosted by my fiancee.  ANd trying to reduce stress levels because I've been getting Obs every 2-3 weeks again.

 

 

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5 hours ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

I found europeans are generally more understanding when it comes to HSV.

That's because in Europe very few people have a decent knowledge on HSV, unless they are from the medical field. In my country none of the people of my age or older that I spoke to, knew anything about it.

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1 hour ago, hk81 said:

That's because in Europe very few people have a decent knowledge on HSV, unless they are from the medical field. In my country none of the people of my age or older that I spoke to, knew anything about it.

OK, then you shouldn''t have a problem being rejected at least.... so in a sense that's good.

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    • WilsoInAus
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    • CHT
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    • WilsoInAus
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    • CHT
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