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Having a hard time 7 1/2 years after diagnosis


AloneForever

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Its been 7.5 years of being Hsv2 positive. Im still very much struggling. Im still.. single. Ive had bad luck disclosing my status to people except for one person, and that one person years ago I destroyed things bc i felt worthless and like he deserved someone better even tho he was the love of my life, and I manifested him in another relationship. Ive gone to therapy, all therapists can do is say "you'll find someone who loves and accepts you for your diagnosis" yet they dont understand bc they dont have any experience w having an std and how hard it is. I am 38 and again another holiday season alone is heartbreaking. My biological clock is ticking and to make it worse, valtrex is now causing me such psychotic side effects physical and mental I am not going to be able to take it daily to supress anymore. So how the hell am I supposed to date now the antiviral was my only damn hope of potentially finding a mate and now its suddenly making me so ill and hallucinate and mood swing and muscle ache bad and horrible dreams, depression bad anxiety that makes me shake and psycho short tempered when I take it. It always gave me mood swings but all this other stuff is worse. The only meds they can give me are basically the same med. "Well theres condoms" Condoms aren't the answer. I want to have children. I cant have a kid with a rubber wedge in between us. At 38, I dont have the time now to sift through countless men and find the right one after trial and error. Im already old and missing out on the opportunity to start a family. You guys I am freaking. Im so worried about my future. Im starting to honestly lose hope for my future more and more by the day. Most of my family has passed away or moved away, my fathers health is going down the drain and if I lose my parents Im not even sure I'll want to be here anymore alone without a supportive partner in my life. I dont like being alone. I had sex years ago w someone bc I was basically a virgin and was embarrassed guys wouldnt accept me bc of my inexperience. I went and got experience and then got stds hsv2 and hpv and now im embarrassed no one will accept me w this as they have not. Im scared to bring it up or tell anyone anymore, I went on hsv dating sites, nothing good on there. I dont know anyone w this and cant find any form of support. Im just hopeless.. and feel im about to live a long life alone now and never get to have any kids or get married or anything. I feel my life is over. I got robbed big time of all of those things.

Edited by AloneForever
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    • WilsoInAus
      Hang on @tweetsoc this is just self-indulgent self-delusion. What is super tricky about HSV? You're only saying that because of the super trick situation you are in having cheated on your partner, stop deflecting, how does that help anyone least of all yourself? You do not know you are going through an issue with HSV; it is pretty much certain you are not.
    • WilsoInAus
      The first article is from 'The Sun' which is just a sensationalist rag. The second article deals with a correlation between HSV-2 and cardiovascular issues that may cause ED. Did you actually read it? NONE of the participants experienced ED at the time of infection and 0.5% self reported EDS after 12 months. How does that fit with your 9 days. Herpes infections do not cause orchitis, that's just a myth that is started and perpetuated by people on web forums. There is no medical evidence of this. It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with me on HSV. There is no subjectivity in the facts that I present.
    • WilsoInAus
      None of this changes the fact that: you cheated on your partner and you can't cope with that; and you do NOT have genital HSV. Yes I do have to lecture about messing up because you are not dealing with it. You are creating a world of confusion from fake and/or obscure accounts of HSV in order to not deal with it. Whether you consider it nasty or not is exactly the point - this is the key thing that is wrong with you - when are you going to address - man up! Who has tested years later despite a negative WB?
    • Charlie1968
      Thanks tweetsoc,  I haven't taken anything but ibuprofen. My doctor won't give me anything without the lab work. I get tested on the 17th and if negative again 4 weeks after that  I will look into prostatitis and definitely ask him about it. Best of luck to you. I hope you get some relief. Are your symptoms constant or do they come and go? It's strange how the brain works. Sometimes this drives me crazy and sometimes I have just got used to the feeling of hot sauce in my pants. good luck to you. 
    • tweetsoc
      https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/3104937/its-not-just-a-nasty-incurable-sti-herpes-can-leave-men-impotent-for-life/ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.2047-2927.2012.00037.x
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