Newly diagnosed, harmful thoughts, and need opinions.

[Keely1]

I was recently diagnosed by swab and blood test HSV-2. I am absolutely mortified. I know that this is just a skin infection but I know you all felt the same feelings I am. I have to live with this the rest of my life, I have to tell someone eventually, and how could this happen to me? Here’s my story. I know herpes is tricky and there’s no exact answer, ever. I have been with the same guy for 1.5 years now. Prior to him I was with 1 person in 2021 (2 times). The prior person has never came forward or told me any diagnosis (wouldn’t expect him to since it’s been almost 2 years). So, my current partner of 1.5 years and I had anal sex (my first time ever) in November. THREE days later I felt super itchy and what felt like a cut on my butthole. It was there for over a week before I felt like it wasn’t probably normal. I had no other symptoms that a typical herpes outbreak would feel/look like. It was very minimal if almost non existent. I went to the doctor, she swabbed it but I now know it was too late of a swab so the first one came back negative. She said it absolutely did not look like herpes and that I would know if it was. I was relieved. Fast forward 3 months later (last week) I felt the same cut feeling coming on. It’s right on my thong line so it’s easy to feel. Still no pain or symptoms but I could tell this time it looked the same and was in the same exact place (my anus) just 1 lesion. So I went in sooner and got the swab/blood test and both were positive. I told my current partner that this came on days after we did anal and the lesion is in the place of entry and recurred in the same spot. To me, that’s not a coincidence. I’ve read that after your first “outbreak” in the first year, they can come back more frequently. So, anal sex, first outbreak, then 2nd one 3 months later in the same spot. He SWEARS it’s not him and he doesn’t have herpes and now trying to say I was the one who gave it to him if he has it. Now my mind is going crazy, did I have it the whole time? I just don’t believe that. I know herpes can be dormant but I’ve never had any symptoms in my life and he hasn’t either, but I just so happen to have an outbreak on my butthole days after anal and then the same spot 3 months later? He also has cheated on me this past year and I know he has multiple partners before me. He hasn’t been tested yet, but if there was ANY possibility his came back negative which my gut is telling me he’ll be positive, I don’t know how I’ll live with myself. He didn’t make this conversation very easy for me, which I know it’s not easy to hear, I get it, I’m still in denial. But I know he’ll probably not want to see me again if he is indeed negative. I know this is normal but I feel so distraught. I’ve always had safe sex. Please reply 😢

Edited March 2 by Keely1

[WilsoInAus]

Hi @Keely1 the following bits of information will help:

• Did you have a blood test for IgG antibodies at the time of the first cut was noticed? 
• Had you had an IgG test for HSV prior to that?
• What was the exact set of results for HSV-1 and HSV-2 recently received that includes the positive (be explicit as to any IgM or IgG results)?
• Was the swab test a PCR test and said 'HSV-2 detected' or was it a culture swab?
• Had you received oral to your anus from your partner?

Some other observations:

• A primary herpes outbreak is rarely a cut.
• I find this partner's behavior a bit suspicious to be honest - if he gets a blood test right now and its strongly positive for HSV-2 then he's the source and you didn't give it to him for example - his avoidance to test speaks volumes

But if you could answer the first set of question it will narrow things down quite a bit.

[Keely1]

I did not have a blood test on my first outbreak. Doctor said she did not think it was necessary and did not look like herpes. It wasn’t just a cut, it was 1 lesion but my first doctor visit the lesion was pretty much healed and it was only 1 so she did not think it was herpes, maybe a knick from shaving. I do believe I had a blood test for STD’s but it’s definitely been a few years and it was negative but I’d say that was probably 4 years or so ago. HSV-1 negative and not detected. HSV-2 positive PCR and culture. I know for a fact this is HSV-2 which is no longer my concern but more so of if this was him or me. I guess I’ll never know though. My IgG was 8.0. First possible “outbreak” was November days after anal sex, then 2nd outbreak 3 months later in the same spot. Yes, he does give me oral on my anus but it’s HSV-2 which 99% of the time comes from genital to genital.

[Keely1]

1 hour ago, WilsoInAus said:

Hi @Keely1 the following bits of information will help:

• Did you have a blood test for IgG antibodies at the time of the first cut was noticed? 
• Had you had an IgG test for HSV prior to that?
• What was the exact set of results for HSV-1 and HSV-2 recently received that includes the positive (be explicit as to any IgM or IgG results)?
• Was the swab test a PCR test and said 'HSV-2 detected' or was it a culture swab?
• Had you received oral to your anus from your partner?

Some other observations:

• A primary herpes outbreak is rarely a cut.
• I find this partner's behavior a bit suspicious to be honest - if he gets a blood test right now and its strongly positive for HSV-2 then he's the source and you didn't give it to him for example - his avoidance to test speaks volumes

But if you could answer the first set of question it will narrow things down quite a bit.

I did not have a blood test on my first outbreak. Doctor said she did not think it was necessary and did not look like herpes. It wasn’t just a cut, it was 1 lesion but my first doctor visit the lesion was pretty much healed and it was only 1 so she did not think it was herpes, maybe a knick from shaving. I do believe I had a blood test for STD’s but it’s definitely been a few years and it was negative but I’d say that was probably 4 years or so ago. HSV-1 negative and not detected. HSV-2 positive PCR and culture. I know for a fact this is HSV-2 which is no longer my concern but more so of if this was him or me. I guess I’ll never know though. My IgG was 8.0. First possible “outbreak” was November days after anal sex, then 2nd outbreak 3 months later in the same spot. Yes, he does give me oral on my anus but it’s HSV-2 which 99% of the time comes from genital to genital.

[WilsoInAus]

@Keely1 so the IgG for HSV-2 was 8? 

You are correct, you got this from genital to genital sex - but the when is very unclear. There is a lot in what you describe that could be construed as a recurrent outbreak that happened to be in the anal area. With just this information, this is a 50/50 call as to whether this is a recent infection or longer term.

Your partner could remove a lot if not all doubt through testing. If he has HSV-2 then he's likely the source of the infection and if negative, then you've had it a long time. 

[LTAI]

He is being very suspicious and if he claims to not have it, a test shouldn’t be an issue. Think about his behavior and if he is even someone you’d want to be with long term. If so, change the mood and both educate about HSV-2.