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I'm a 34 year old single mother. I thought meeting someone was hard before. It doesn't even compare.

I was set up by a friend, with probably the most intelligent, well off, well put together guy I'd ever met. He had it. He never told me. Now I have it. What kind of a person does THAT?!

Anyways. That was in June. I've not been on a date since. Not a day has gone by when it has not crossed my mind. Not a night has gone by where it wasn't the last thing I thought of before I fell asleep.

I keep thinking about what I wouldn't give to get this out of body. I feel disgusting. I WANT IT OUT OF MY BODY!!!!!!

So often I hear people making comment about herpes. "disgusting! gross! yuck! could you IMAGINE?!" and I feel so sad, because I CAN imagine. What I can't imagine, is anyone wanting to get in to a relationship with me now. How do you ever tell someone you have this?! Who would be okay with it, if they didn't have it themselves?


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Hey!!! :D

I just thought... you should talk to Lasmom. <smile>

She will probably come tomorrow...

Read her posts. They will give you very positive insights and hope. And you'll see, how things started working out for her as she appreciated what she had and tried to be a good mother to her daughter (and she IS a wonderful mother).

You're right. You can't get rid of this virus from your body. You can't control herpes. So stop wishing. That'll hurt you emotionally.

But you can get rid of anger, you can get rid of prejudice toward yourself. You have access to control your mind.

And when those things are gone, I -know- you'll feel fine. After all, what's bothering you the most is your mind. If you change yourself, your life will change.

I'm telling you this from my own experience.

Please hang in.

Best wishes..


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Well I was infected with the virus last March-didn't know until October. I'm 24 and don't have any kids. Any time that I say that I won't meet anyone..........my mom and sister both tell me to shut up. They tell me this because they themselves don't see it as a big deal. They don't see it as a big deal because they don't see it as a barrier or a stop sign for anyone. They both know me for who I am, they love me for who I am. Of course, I won't be intimate with either of them but I believe it when they say this stuff to me.

My sister is my best friend. She has never lied to me. She's very blunt and very honest with me. She has a serious boyfriend that she's been dating for 10 years... She said that if her boyfriend were to have it that she wouldn't care because she loves him no matter what. She tells me that I will find someone very special because of this. And I believe it. Now, if I don't like someone after a couple of weeks- why keep them around? I won't. I will really have to care about someone before telling them. And that is one very good thing about it. I will have to know them so well before ever sleeping with them. And if by the time it comes to that they don't want to be with me-then they weren't worth spending the rest of my life with anyway.

This board has made me feel a lot better about myself. It's made me feel like a normal person again. Try and check it out daily. Faith makes everyone feel good about themselves. I don't think about it as often as I use to. I still think about it everyday....but thank god not as often. At the beginning everything I thought about revolved around it.

It could be so much worse. It made me put the important things in life into perspective. It has made me laugh much harder at the funny things in life.

It's not really gross at all. I know so many people don't think of it as a minor skin irritation-but I do.......and if you've read any of my posts- I have constant pain. I'm in constant pain and I'm saying it could be so much worse. :) I never thought I would say that.

Those people who make comments about it like that are just uneducated about what HSV actually is. I'm sorry that you have to hear those comments. That shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself though, it should make you feel bad that they are uneducated about it- they could have it and not even know. Or they could have it and to make themselves feel better joke about it with their friends. I'm sure my friends and I made some comments in our younger days. But since learning from me, my friends won't ever make "that's disgusting" or thats gross comments ever again. They don't think it's gross anymore. I don't think it's gross anymore. It actually is much different than I though it was to tell you the truth.

Well if you ever need anyone to talk to- I'm here.


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What I can't imagine, is anyone wanting to get in to a relationship with me now

Why? Do you think all you have to offer is sex????

You have WAAAAAAAY more to offer to a partner then sex. In addition.. EVEN if ALL you had to offer was sex, you would STILL have value.

You can still have an almost completely normal sex life even with HSV.

I don't have a ton of time to tell you everything I want to in response to your message, but I will say that the best starting point is yourself.

the best way tol improve your life and your emotional state is from the inside out.

When you convince yourself that you still have value, GREAT value in a relationship, you will feel better. The only way to do this is to learn more about love, and experience love.

How do you ever tell someone you have this

Its a piece of cake... You just say it. You aren't responsible for their reaction, just being honest. All you have to do is be honest. Whatever else happens IS the best outcome possible. If you are honest, you get teh best outcome. Might not be the one you think you need, but looking back, all the things that being honest bring to your life are the best that could be. The things that being dishonest or less then truthful bring to your life are the fake/unfounded/unreliable things...

Who would be okay with it, if they didn't have it themselves?

Everyone that loves you will be OK with it. Everyone that you share love with will be OK with it. Everyone that you are honest with will be OK with it.


When you decide you've had enough, you'll take the steps neccessary to feel better.

Everything you are feelings is what you need to feel because it prepares you for doing what you will come to find you need to do.

Accept what you feel. One day, you will decide that how you feel is not good enough anymore and you will clean your emotional house and start over.

That starting point is love.

You are wondering about relationships and who will accept you, and all these things... You need to go back and empty everything you have thought about relationships and start from the bottom. Building a foundation of love to work with.



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Hi Veryunhappy....

(Yes, Faith, it's Monday - here I am!!!)

I didn't have time to read the other replies, but I wanted to get mine in while I could.

First of all sweatheart, change your name - veryunhappy is temporary, believe us. If you took Faith's advice and read my posts, you already know my story. And maybe, you are a little affraid of my mental stability!!! :D I am!!!!

I am 35, single mom, going through a divorce which is lingering on...and on.... but I have moved on (so has my X) He told me he had it before he moved out after knowing for a while. So I got to start my new life a little "newer" than I thought.

I've felt the same way about myself - who would want me? Double whammy - nice to meet you , I have a 3 year old, and herpes - nice opener huh? Oh, by the way, my divorce isn't final..... (make that a tripple whammy)

Luckily I'm strikingly beautiful and no man can resist me.... ya...OK... :wink: Don't I wish!

I got to a point where I was so affraid of being alone I shut myself off and stayed with a man who didn't love me (he loves me now that I've moved on...figures...) Its a bad place. My mind obsessed on this and I isolated myself from friends and family who love and support me.

So here's what I've learned here, and in myself:

- Be a good mom 1st and foremost. Focus on your child until you get a comfort level with this situation - let everything else go for a while. You created something beautiful, appreciate that and yourself for it.

- To be a good mom you must give your child a happy mom

- To be a happy mom you must find a way to love yourself no matter what someone else thinks of you - F 'em all if they don't like you for ANY reason. Find what you need to complete yourself and go for it.

As for the Herpes - you are now a part of OUR lives. Me, Faith, Pilot, etc., etc., a very elite group don't you think? You are NOT alone. SO many people have this it is scary. Don't read too much of the depressing posts until you find a better place mentally - we have all been there, but it's easier to look back and remember then to drown in it now.

Yes you will feel disgusting and dirty and contageous blah blah blah....

I know sweatheart, not a day goes by and I'm not thinking about how I feel "down there". It takes time but you will find your way to accept it. It's just a really sucky road - and going down it with a child in tow - well, a whole new set of worries right? My daughter always took baths with me - or played with her toys while I showered (what choice did I have alone with a 2 year old?) All I could think was that I may have given it to her....horrible Mommy guilt....

And then, the lovelies here talked me down from my perch and I found my comfort level for finding a partner. Putting it all on a website and let them come to me. The rest is history if you've read my posts.

The man I found may not end up being the love of my life, but he is crazy about ME, and my daughter, and my herpes, and my PMS, and my hormonally driven acne (oh, thats new & fun - 35 with acne....) my sarcasm which he hates, but accepts, my crazy family, my Italian temper, my brutal honesty, and God only knows what other negatives I have that he overlooks. But he still wants me. That makes it all good. And it took me months to realize that I deserve that. I deserve happiness. With or without a partner. And so do you. You always have.

I will be here for you I promise. If I am not, as I'm sure you have seen, someone will. There are angels to be found here.

Boy I wrote alot!!!!

ps Change your name to "working on happy"!! You let us know when you find a better one for yourself. You will sweetheart. Soon.

All my love,

Las Mom.

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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