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Who the hell is going to want to date me now?

Guest Anonymous

By Guest Anonymous,
in Disclosure (telling)

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Guest Anonymous

Guest Anonymous

Posted
Posted

I am having a very tough time with this. I just don't see who the hell is ever going to want to date me now.

what do I say, "oh, by the way I have H"?

please help

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
Posted

Or you could say, hi, I'm a single mom, not quite divorced because my x is dragging it out, and OH, I have herpes.... like me!!

No, you don't say that.... you meet people, see if there is any connection, confide if you trust, get their reaction.

Positive - you've found a great person.

Negative - you move on.

Yes it sucks, we've all been there with you. As you surf around this site you will see just how many posts are on this subject.

I've told a bunch of people here my story - I felt horrible "telling" had a bad experience and I was scared. So for me, I met someone on line who also had it, and they knew about my family issues as well. I met a wonderful person where not so long ago I was writing the same thing you are.

Work on accepting yourself. Then others will accept you. Pilot is one of the healthiest examples of someone who accepts, and is honest with his friends and family about it. I took a little of his advice and started being more upfront with people, and I'm finding SO many people who have it that I can talk to about it - including my sister! How 'bout that....

You are not alone. Find yourself, then find someone to love you for you.

Good luck.

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MC37 Pilot Established Member

MC37 Pilot

Posted
Posted
I just don't see who the hell is ever going to want to date me now.

Improve who you are.

You have HSV... You can't change that... But if you look at yourself as a total package, what other aspects do you think people look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend...

Love, compassion, understanding, calm, not jealous, smart, active, healthy, non-judgemental, honest, faithful....

You can't make the HSV go away, but you CAN improve EVERYTHING else. And HSV imposes NO limits on your ability to improve everything else unless YOU choose to let it.

ALL the things that people look for in a relationship... Yeah, sex is one of them, and when it comes to sex, you have a litte bit of an inconvienence to deal with, (but for someone who loves you, thats ALL it will be is a little inconvenience.

So accept the things you can't change, and change the things you can.

If you believe that you are defined by your ability to have risk-free sex... You need to learn more about yourself, and life.

Work on the things you can. Be a more honest, more caring, more loving, more understanding, MORE OPTIMISTIC, more compassionate, smarter, more easy-going, more healthy, more active, energetic, vibrant, happy person who is confident in who they are.

Those things will be HUGE attractors to the opposite sex, and you'll enjoy life more too!

If you can improve all those things, you will be irresistable. You'll have the opposite sex TOTALLY attracted to you... And then ALL you will need to do is just look for the same qualities in others that you are (kind, honest, caring, compassionate, etc etc etc) AND as attractive as you'll be, you'll have plenty of options to search among.

When you find that person who is kind, caring, honest, compassionate, just like you... You'll tell them, they won't care, and you'll have everything you want in a relationship.

Truly kind people are RARE... Some people will be kind to you when they want something... But thats a front...

I heard a great quote once.. "A girl who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is NOT a nice person"

So as you go about being a better person, improving who you are.. You'll become MORE aware of kind people, and unkind people, and you'll find happiness and acceptance by associating with the kind people, and leaving the unkind people to their own pathetic selfish existence. :wink:

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Anonymous

Guest Anonymous

Posted
Posted

Been There

I guess you could say, I found out about having it 5 years ago. I was devastated. Even now I get down, but the most important thing is that I am alive.

Before I got H, I was so superficial about my friends, my mates, my family. Afterward, I reevaluated who I was and the people I surrounded myself with. I asked myself, "Do they really care about me or what I have?" Then, it became self explanatory on who I should be with. People who love me for me. For example, I had a friend who talked about people she knew who had "H" and often called them nasty. About a year later, she found out her ex had it and could have possibly given it to her. Imagine how she changed. I never told her that I had it, but I was there for her because I was her true friend. I wouldn't call her "nasty" or pick at her for having it. That same concept holds true in finding a partner.

I met my finance first as my friend before we became inimate. By the time, I told him that I had it, it didn't matter because he loved all of me.

(Which is much better than the one nights stands or superficial relationships I had been in prior to "H." ) Thus, I became more respectful of how I had sex with new people and gained more excepting friends

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Guest Anonymous

Guest Anonymous

Posted
Posted

Been There

I guess you could say, I found out about having it 5 years ago. I was devastated. Even now I get down, but the most important thing is that I am alive.

Before I got H, I was so superficial about my friends, my mates, my family. Afterward, I reevaluated who I was and the people I surrounded myself with. I asked myself, "Do they really care about me or what I have?" Then, it became self explanatory on who I should be with. People who love me for me. For example, I had a friend who talked about people she knew who had "H" and often called them nasty. About a year later, she found out her ex had it and could have possibly given it to her. Imagine how she changed. I never told her that I had it, but I was there for her because I was her true friend. I wouldn't call her "nasty" or pick at her for having it. That same concept holds true in finding a partner.

I met my finance first as my friend before we became inimate. By the time, I told him that I had it, it didn't matter because he loved all of me.

(Which is much better than the one nights stands or superficial relationships I had been in prior to "H." ) Thus, I became more respectful of how I had sex with new people and gained more excepting friends

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