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some good news about telling


Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

this seems to be one of the worst parts about having this virus so id like to share some info, spread some hope, and give some insight. first off i will always tell. once i didnt and the guilt i felt was way worse than some little temporary embaresment from sharing the info. i have now told four people. the first gave me a huge hug and couldnt wait to get me naked. this was the first person i tried to be intimate with after getting it. i was still so uncomfortable with my sexuality and nervous about spreading it i could hardly get intimate with him, even though he was cool with it. my apprehension and uncomfortableness with sex was what ended the relationship. he didnt care but i did. some advice for others (because ive noticed this several times on this sight and fell victim to this as well) if they are o.k. with it by all means get some! GREEN LIGHT, go for it. dont let your discomfort wreck you intimacy. they know the risks and are willing to move forward. and hey even if they do get it as we know its not the end of the world. i rarely get outbreaks, it hardly effects me physically. its just all this mental crap we put OURSELVES through that makes this so bad. anyways i let this affect the relationship to much and in the end ended up loosing him cuz lets face it guys can deal with herpes if they like you but guys can not deal with never getting sex from you if they like you. :wink: the second person i told already knew because he had found some literature in my house. he was disapointed but proceed though be it cautiously and acctually had something worse to tell me. he tested positive to antibodies for hepatitus b (which means he had it, got better and wasnt contagious). guy number three was an immature jerk who just wanted to use me for sex anyways. he freaked out some but we are still cool with each other. guy number four had it too. i was nervous about telling him and when i did he was completely blown away by my honesty. I almost think he feel in love with me that minute because i doubt he knows many people so honest and caring. he said he was going to tell me about him but for some reason i doubt he would have. many people with less integrety dont ever tell. they dont want it to interfere with their chances of getting laid. i have integrety, do you know how good that feels, to have integrety? anyways after i found out he had it too i got to know him a little better and realized he wasnt good enough for me anyways (maybe cuz i knew he wouldnt have told me about him). so it isnt so bad to tell. as a matter of fact it feels good to get it off your chest and deal with whatever happens next. not knowing is what drives me nuts so i just put it out there and move forward. better than not knowing and being alone when i could possible be with someone i like. it shows what a honest, caring, thoughtful person you are and generally makes the relationship stronger. it opens up the door to discuss other important sensitive subjects. if they react badly that is more about them that it is about you. when the one guy reacted so badly i saw him for what he was and i was so turned off i wasnt even attracted to him anymore. when you find the right person nothing can stand in the way of you being together. certainly not some stupid occasional rash.

so hope this helps and good luck!

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Guest Anonymous

I contracted herpes from my boyfriend whom I hd been with fr nine years. We have a daugher together, who is perfectly healthy. Wejust recently broke up an I have been casually seeing this guy who works in the same building I work in. This guy is soo fine and seems like the type of person that I can really be with. The only problem is herpes. I sometimes feel like I should just settle with my daughters father instead of moving on and being happy. I have a good feeling that if I open up and tell this new guy about me having herpes, he will turn away. I have read some of the other stories and replies which made me feel better, but once you are face to face with the realityof telling someone something that is so serious and can ruin your relationship, it makes me feel very sad. I sometimes think that I will never be in another relationship and will wind up spending the rest of my life alone. I am contemplating on either telling him or just letting him go. If there is anyone who has any suggestion and/or comments pleas feel free to express them.

Sincerely

confused

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Hi Niecy.

Aside from what's the best for your daughter...., you should make your decision based on how you feel about the person. Don't stay with someone "just because of" herpes.

Herpes is not such a big issue that 2 people never can solve. After all, it's just an inconvenience and a little nuisance, that's all...

Get to know yourself more. You'll soon realize that herpes has nothing to do with who you are.

Go search posts that MC37 Pilot wrote. He talks a lot about the "telling", and you'll see that most of people don't care about if you have herpes or not. Compared to a whole person, herpes is trivial. :D

Best wishes..

Faith

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I sometimes feel like I should just settle with my daughters father instead of moving on and being happy

You KNOW this not an option...

Settling would never work... It WOULD JUST POSTPONE the inevitable (which is you recognize your right and SURVIVAL NEED to be happy and break it off in the future)

I have a good feeling that if I open up and tell this new guy about me having herpes, he will turn away.

Do you think this because of your own insecurity, or does the way this guy act make you think he will turn away?

I would REALLY think hard about that. Which is it?

FIRST, you REALLY need to differentiate YOUR insecurity from reality.

Because the REALITY is that MOST guys WILL NOT CARE.

However, IF this is one of the guys that would turn and run.... And his behavior has shown you that... Why are you with him now?

If someone loves you, and cares about you and they are GENUINE in that, they WILL NOT RUN.

YOUR success in relationships in the future (and having HSV will make you more aware of this) but your success will revolve around becoming BETTER and BETTER at recognizing the qualities in people with respect to how genuine they love and care.

The bad part of having HSV is the outbreaks... The GOOD part of having HSV is that its JERK REPELLENT!!!!!

Without HSV, we as people tend to hold on to things we probably shouldn't... WITH HSV its easier because the assholes 'out there' dispose of themselves for us.

The great thing about HSV is that if you are honest about it, the people who don't can't see past a minor thing like HSV are prevented from getting involved with you. :wink:

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NEVER SETTLE.

NEVER NEVER NEVER!

You are worthy of happiness - go find it - don't settle for any reason! Your daughter deserves a happy mom! Divorce lawyers are too expensive!!!! Take my word for it!

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Guest Anonymous

child

Lasmom,

I happend to read an old post of yours, and your concerns for passing it to your child.......I too have a child and wash my hands like crazy.

I need to talk to someone about this....thanks

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Re: child

Lasmom,

I happend to read an old post of yours, and your concerns for passing it to your child.......I too have a child and wash my hands like crazy.

I need to talk to someone about this....thanks

If you get a member name you can send me a private message, or give me your email address, I'd love to talk with you, anytime.

My daughter got a crazy diaper rash right after I was diagnosed - I freaked and asked the pediatrician if I gave it to her. I've come so far thank God! Now I just wish I knew how to get her to brush her teeth!!!

Parents need parents.....to be better parents.

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Guest Anonymous

child

I will try to contact you later, when I figure out how to do this stuff.......Ive been so obsessed with logging on lately, I may have to increase my online airtime......and the baby will wake up momentarily.....Iam very computor illiterate.....but really need a parent to talk to.

Thanks..ME

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