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Should I just let it go and move on?


Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

I just found out 2 weeks ago that I may have herpes. The test were negative but the doctors were pretty sure that's what it is and they just didn't get enough fluid. I just started a new relationship 2 months ago and really did like him. When I found out I wanted to blame him but started researching and found out more about it and that actually I could have had it for a while and not known. I went through a really rough time right before I met him and that could have been what triggered my outbreak. After researching and learning more I was going to tell him. Well all of a sudden out of the blue he quit calling me and won't return my calls. Now I am worried that I may have given it to him and didn't get the chance to tell him I didn't do it intentionally. Or if he had it and gave it to me I wish I could let him know that i know it isn't the end of the world and that we can still have a normal relationship. Should I just let it go or should I try to still get in touch with him?

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Hey Darlene -

If you think it's worth it - sounds like you do - send him a letter, or e-mail, tell him whats going on, see if he responds. Maybe he found out he has it too and is affraid to talk to you. DOn't ever have regrets for not trying, but don't kill yourself doing it. If he doesn't respond, well, there's your answer. Sorry you have to go through this.

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Oh girl, I went through the same thing.

I told my now ex boyfriend that I thought I was allergic to condoms after the first time. I said that we needed to both get checked so that we didn't need to use them anymore.

The next week he quit calling me. 7 months later I found out through a blood test that I had herpes. Well, I called him and let him know. He told me that I didn't get it from him and that he didn't have any type of symptoms related to that.

Everyday since the day I told him I have regreted that decision. I'm not saying that you will or anything. I didn't want him back in anyway. I just wanted to let him know and to feel my pain.

I regret it because he didn't ever go get tested after me telling him. He didn't care. He's dating another girl right now.....and spreading this around like it's nothing.

So for me, I put myself out there to someone who didn't care enough about himself to go to the doctor. I wish I hadn't, because if I see him out ever....He knows my secret.....but he won't have a problem telling that secret to anyone, the only part he will leave out is that I got it from him.

So, good luck with your decision.

Lovely

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I'm glad you posted that Lovely, it's good to see an experienced side. I guess it's all how you feel. I've had alot of experiences that "I wish I had..." But if he's an ass who will not respect your privacy, or you for that matter, I guess your point is very valid. Thanks

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Guest Anonymous

Thanks for the replies. I had actually wrote him a letter but was scared to mail it and finally did yesterday. I didn't really put specifics but told him there was something important I needed to talk to him about and that because I enjoyed spending time with him and laughing with him that it was important to me that I tell him about this. And that no matter what the reason he stopped calling me that I am an adult and can handle anything. I finally told one of my best friends and to my surprise she was so understanding and ended up she has it too and has for years. She had never told anyone so we were both able to comfort each other. I still feel ashamed and feel that I am dirty now but I just keep resaearching and reading everything I can about it and I'm trying to teach myself that it is just a skin condition and it is only part of who I am. I guess if I don't hear from him then he wasn't adult enough to be in my life anyway. I am so thankful I found this web site.

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Nice timing Darlene!

Wow, you are #2 here who told someone, and they had it...actually #3, I forgot myself! My SISTER and her husband have it....you think I would have remembered.

Good for you for that letter. Excelllent. I'm glad your friend can support you, and I hope he's man enough to call you, for peace of mind at the very least.

We're glad you found the site too!

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Guest Anonymous

I hate to know that other people are going through this. But it helps to know I'm not alone. At first I felt like I was the only person in the world with this horrible secret but now I know that it is like 1 out of 5 people have it. Thanks for the support.

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I was thinking about what I wrote. I think it's beneficial to tell someone you care about especially when they could have given it to you. He may be withdrawing himself because he feels bad that he could have given it to you.

I hope everything turns out okay. Either way we are here to help you cope with any decisions that are made by him or you.

Good luck,

Lovely

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Guest Anonymous

Thank you, Lovely. I can understand how you feel and now I am worried about that if I ever get into another intimate relationship. I haven't heard from him so he apparantly isn't very mature about any situation. I was worried that maybe he had it and was scared to tell me because I did tell him I had to go to the doctor that day (for my yearly) but didn't tell him anything else on the phone I wanted to wait until I saw him face to face. Well I talked to him again on the phone the next day briefly and after that he hasn't called me back. I guess I can just chalk it up as a valuable lesson learned. I just wanted him to know that I understood and wanted to still be able to have a relationship with him.

I'm sorry you had to have such a bad experience. I didn't understand it at first and wanted to be upset. I wish that people would research it like I did and realize it isn't this horrible thing and it is only part of who we are and that our personalities are what makes us.

Good Luck!

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