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I am dating a girl and just found out she has oral herpes. What is my risk level? Cruel as it sounds, I would rather bail now than take a chance of getting an std.

She has an open sore in her mouth during outbreaks. Can it spread to genitals and thus be genital herpes, or is that a different disease entirely?

I have to know soon.

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Cruel as it sounds, I would rather bail now than take a chance of getting an std.

Do her a favor, and bail now....

She has an open sore in her mouth during outbreaks. Can it spread to genitals and thus be genital herpes, or is that a different disease entirely?

An open sore IS VERY likely to be spread to the genitals if she goes down on you WITH the open sore.

It is very likely that you will get a cold sore if you KISS her when she is having an outbreak...

WHEN SHE IS NOT having an outbreak, it is extremely unlikely that you will get hsv from her... but still possible...

If you don't care about her enough to accept that slight risk... Do her a favor, and bail now... (and tell her about this forum, so we can help her pick up the emotional pieces with her after you bail)

I'm not trying to sound like a dick... Well... actually I am...

A cold sore is SO not a big deal... But then again... to you, it sounds like it is... I mean I could understand if you wanted to wait to have oral sex until you were confident in the whole situation or know how much you cared about her, or something...

But to just bail on a girl because she has a cold sore... Come on dude... Give her a chance... Get to know her more, and if she's not worth it, she's not worth it, but if you are going to bail, at least bail for a substantial reason (like you don't like her) not for a silly reason (like a cold sore)

Anyway... Think about it....

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If you don't care about her enough to accept that slight risk... Do her a favor' date=' and bail now... (and tell her about this forum, so we can help her pick up the emotional pieces with her after you bail)[/quote']

Once again, I'm on cue with Pilot -

However, I will say I appreciate your coming here to get some insight first. Some guys just plain quit with nothing said -

If you can't accept it, you can't. From my personal experience I will tell you - you will be a bigger man if you tell her you can't handle it - a much bigger man to deal with it, but if you're thinking of bailing now - "do her a favor" and definately tell her you did some searching here - and tell her to find us. As a woman who's been through it, I, personally, would appreciate your telling her why.

But first ask yourself what's worse?

"She has a cold sore"

- - or - -

"she has herpes"

Same thing, just took 3 more letters to type it.....

Good luck.

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Responses like wmh's make me feel so sad ... i cried when i read it. this past week, i almost convinced myself that most people wouldn't think cold sores were a big deal. but his post just brought the reality of rejection crashing down upon me once again ...

but i'm going to remember people like faith, pilot and lasmom are out there ... and i'm going to try to remember all the great stories of acceptance that have been posted.

that girl will probably feel so horrible if he decides to bail. i hope she finds this forum.

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i cried when i read it. this past week, i almost convinced myself that most people wouldn't think cold sores were a big deal. but his post just brought the reality of rejection crashing down upon me once again ...

You have to be aware that there are people out there who are not accepting of any risk.... Who have different priorities then us.

I don't know wmh... so I'm not going to say he's a jerk, or whatever... Maybe he's just a paranoid guy that couldn't deal with the possibility of maybe getting hsv1 from someone...

BUT I DO KNOW FOR CERTAIN that he is the minority.... RARE minority....

Most people don't care at all about a cold sore.... Most people don't care about HSV2 either if they have ANY kind of feelings towards a potential partner...

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I couldn't be with Pilot or Lasmom more.

If you have to say that then SHE doesn't need to be with you.

She came out and said "hey I have oral herpes (cold sores)", which in reality she is a darling girl to say that. Most people don't tell that they have it because IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL! It's a reality

If you don't realize what a catch she is then leave. No need to waste her time.

This won't stop me from thinking that there are good guys out there. I appreciate your honesty but I'm not worried that I will find someone to love me and then when I tell them love me even more. :D

No more hope- if you are thinking that you're feeling better. That was the first thing that gave me hope. I started thinking that it was possible- and I still think it is.


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I just read this message and replys.. and i cannot agree with pilot and the other people more...

what a nice girl to tell you she has one... a brave one, honest one at that.. my advice.. you probably should see if its worth the risk.. if you don't want an STD... then be careful.. (you won't get burned if you don't play with fire) However you would be surprised how many of us has it.

For the other people (nomorehope), you will be surprised how many close minded, or should i say, ignorant people, there are in the world... Most people can't even see to the end of their nose, nevermind, being able to accept another persons Faults/ problems... I for one, could probably have been one of those, I guess, sometimes it is when they meet their misfortune they realize how lucky they are, and how ignorant they have been. People just don't realize how it is untill they walked in their shoes, and even if & when they do understand... >> they can not FULLY understand. But haven't most of us been down that road also?

I guess, to take the good, you will have to take the bad, there are those, bad people (close minded), and those who are quite understanding, but i think those who has seen misfortune, will have an open heart, and for those people who don't open their heart..in time they will... and i guess we should surround ourselves with those who are positive..

Most people can't even see past their own nose.. nevermind.. in time they will learn...

Nomorehope-- i feel for you, cause i have had the same problem, there are things you can't change... we can just surround ourselves with positive people, and let those other people learn for themselves (sometimes the hard way is their only way)... you cannot.. at least we cannot control how they view things/ life.

Ignorance = The blind

Ignore the "blind"

Thats how i feel anyways

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She's a rare girl to actually tell that she has oral herpes=cold sores. Oral herpes regular cold sores are not usually a STD. It's not like he would get it sexually unless she gave him oral sex while she had a cold sore. HSV1, doesn't shed at as high of levels as HSV2.

What I was trying to say is this. If he has to say that he would rather not get it then be with her, then he shouldn't waste HER time. He wasn't worth her telling that secret to. If he doesn't like her enough or care about her enough to respect her.....then he should leave now.

Wondering when she told you? Have you kissed her yet? I can't imagine telling someone before kissing them.

I'm not sure if you know how common that is. My friends are amazed that no one in my family has ever had a cold sore. I didn't think anything of it until I popped up with HSV-2. Now I'm finding out how common that is. Who knew? I'm sure the goverment did-but of course not doing anything about it.

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    • WilsoInAus
      Welcome @Marlena correct you and your partner would benefit from the type specific version of the HSV test (meaning a separate result for HSV-1 and HSV-2). I had no idea the Euroimmun or equivalent actually had a combined version, it is pretty useless given the high incidence of HSV-1. Only one thing to add is that if you are getting frequent symptoms then you can obtain a swab and have this tested for HSV and other things as well.
    • WilsoInAus
      Yeah @FirstTimeUser there is nothing in the pic suggestive of genital herpes. It seems both you and your partner have HSV-1 orally and that's actually pretty cool. It means you won't pass it to each other's genitals owing to immunity. If the two of you are concerned about genital HSV-2 then mutually test for the IgG HSV-2 and HSV-1 antibodies.
    • CHT
      Hi "firstimeuser".... let's see what "WilsoinAus" thinks but, for what's it worth, I don't see anything in your picture (or description) that looks like herpes..... it actually looks more like a scrape or follicle issue.... maybe even a bug bite.  Also, by the way, the odds of having HSV2 with an outbreak on your testicles is very low.... that is not a typical spot for an HSV2 outbreak.    Have your doctor take a look and if you want some peace of mind, get an IgG antibody test for HSV2 in about 12 weeks (takes that long for antibodies to develop).... but, again, I don't think you have anything to worry about here.... just not seeing anything herpes-related here.    take care....best of luck.
    • CHT
      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
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