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question about transmission


Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

Hi Guys, this is the first time I've actually talked about this with anyone. I've actually had hsv-2 for 13 years and to my knowledge, I've never given it to anyone. However, I had unprotected sex the other day with a guy that I really liked. Although I didn't have any actual blisters, I had some itching and tingling in one area and it has me worried to death that I may have infected him. There aren't any visible scars or blisters, it's just some itching and tingling. Is it possible to pass the disease on to someone else during this stage? I feel extremely horrible and I knew better, but since I didn't see anything there, I thought it would be safe. Please help me!!!

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There's no way for us to know...

I mean its possible you could have been shedding...

I guess I would say its not likely that you gave him hsv, but it is possible....

If he doesn't have an outbreak in the next week chances are he wasn't infected.

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Guest Anonymous

You MUST tell HIM

I've read several posts about people knowing they have Herpes, having sex with someone and not telling. Justifying that it was OK because they "think" it was safe because no sores were present. THIS IS INEXCUSABLE! I don't care what your reasons are, you are playing Russan Roulette with someones life!

Bottom line is YOU MUST TELL HIM so he can get tested. This is not a guessing game - TELL HIM or he could spread it!!!!

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Guest Anonymous

and...

And, what do you mean you don't "think" you've ever given to anyone?? You've had it for 13 years and had sex with guys, there is a very good chance you have given it to someone. How can you not know other than by not telling them and not allowing them or giving them cause to get tested?? To your "knowlege" means you didn't tell them and they never got tested -

I just got it from someone about a week ago, and reading your post makes me want to lose my dinner...

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Guest 2,

It's possible that you could have been shedding especially if you had tingling and no sores. Shedding can happen at any time.....outbreak or not.

You didn't actually say in your post that you didn't tell him or the rest of your partners the last 13 years. If you didn't tell him before having sex with him it will eat you up. I know if I did something like that it would eat me up. Knowingly and not knowing are two different scenarios when it comes to herpes.

If you knowingly have it, knowingly don't tell, well all I can say that it's pretty bad.

I hope for you the integrity and courage to tell this guy that you like.

Lovely

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What were you thinking??? :shock: Herpes first: Just because he doesn't get symptoms within the next few weeks doesn't mean he's in the clear! Maybe you won't ever see him again and he'll carry on his life none the wiser and asymptomatic until he infects some other person! How do you think most of us wound up in this situation in the first place!!??

OK, now I've blown off steam let's look at the situation in a broader sense.

You were infected with herpes 13 years ago, you were lucky! What I mean is it could have been, say, chlaymidia which is cureable but it can leave you infertile if it isn't detected early-or-HIV which can be deadly! Please, herpes is a lifetime wake-up call, isn't that enough to stop you ever exposing yourself to STD's ever again? Your life is precious, in having unprotected sex with this guy you have played russian roulette with your life, not just his.

On the other hand, what was he thinking!!?? If any guy wanted to have unprotected sex with me it would show me how arrogant they really were and I'd give it a miss! Does he think he is immune to everything? He is as much responsible for this situation as you are so beating yourself up is not going to help. There is the chance that he is going to learn the lesson of his life as well and possibly in a round about and twisted kind of way you may just have done him a favor because if herpes is all he gets out of it he may think twice about putting his life (and that of others) at risk in the future.

See, there is a positive in everything! Now for you. You've learnt your lesson and the anguish you're suffering now at least shows you have a concience even if it kicked in a little late. You've had you're dressing down and now I hope that you have learned from this mistake. There are a lot of kind and caring people on this site so if you need help in dealing with having herpes and how to tell others, cope with emotion etc please don't be afraid to ask. We're all in this together and even 13 years later I'm sure you'll be offered the support you need.

It's time to start afresh.

Christi.

P.S. I know it makes a lot of people, me included, very disappointed to hear a tale like this and even though I'm not a very religious person I think a quote is fitting 'he who has never sinned may cast the first stone'. We can all learn from others mistakes as well as our own so let's forgive this one and continue to help as much as we can!

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What were you thinking??? :shock: Herpes first: Just because he doesn't get symptoms within the next few weeks doesn't mean he's in the clear! Maybe you won't ever see him again and he'll carry on his life none the wiser and asymptomatic until he infects some other person! How do you think most of us wound up in this situation in the first place!!??

OK, now I've blown off steam let's look at the situation in a broader sense.

You were infected with herpes 13 years ago, you were lucky! What I mean is it could have been, say, chlaymidia which is cureable but it can leave you infertile if it isn't detected early-or-HIV which can be deadly! Please, herpes is a lifetime wake-up call, isn't that enough to stop you ever exposing yourself to STD's ever again? Your life is precious, in having unprotected sex with this guy you have played russian roulette with your life, not just his.

On the other hand, what was he thinking!!?? If any guy wanted to have unprotected sex with me it would show me how arrogant they really were and I'd give it a miss! Does he think he is immune to everything? He is as much responsible for this situation as you are so beating yourself up is not going to help. There is the chance that he is going to learn the lesson of his life as well and possibly in a round about and twisted kind of way you may just have done him a favor because if herpes is all he gets out of it he may think twice about putting his life (and that of others) at risk in the future.

See, there is a positive in everything! Now for you. You've learnt your lesson and the anguish you're suffering now at least shows you have a concience even if it kicked in a little late. You've had you're dressing down and now I hope that you have learned from this mistake. There are a lot of kind and caring people on this site so if you need help in dealing with having herpes and how to tell others, cope with emotion etc please don't be afraid to ask. We're all in this together and even 13 years later I'm sure you'll be offered the support you need.

It's time to start afresh.

Christi.

P.S. I know it makes a lot of people, me included, very disappointed to hear a tale like this and even though I'm not a very religious person I think a quote is fitting 'he who has never sinned may cast the first stone'. We can all learn from others mistakes as well as our own so let's forgive this one and continue to help as much as we can!

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Guest Anonymous

Re: and...

And, what do you mean you don't "think" you've ever given to anyone?? You've had it for 13 years and had sex with guys, there is a very good chance you have given it to someone. How can you not know other than by not telling them and not allowing them or giving them cause to get tested?? To your "knowlege" means you didn't tell them and they never got tested -

I just got it from someone about a week ago, and reading your post makes me want to lose my dinner...

Umm................hello? Not once did I ever say that I didn't tell my partner that I didn't have the disease. As a matter of fact, I've never had a partner that I DIDN'T tell! I've just never openly discussed the issue with people that I didn't know. I understand your frustrations because you've just contracted the disease a week ago, but that is no reason to go blowing up on people. And no, to my "knowledge" does NOT mean that I didn't tell them and they never got tested. ONE, I've only had two other sex partners since I contracted the disease and they were both long term relationships. I told both of them immediately, so, like I said, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, as of this day, I have never infected anyone and my previous two boyfriends and I had unprotected sex and they get tested for STDs, as well as HIV every 6-12 months and so do I. As for the person that I just had sex with, Yes, I did tell him and we did have unprotected sex. Stupid, perhaps, but it's done and we both have to live with that. Don't ever judge me based on your assumptions because you had no idea what you were talking about.

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Guest Anonymous

Christi.

P.S. I know it makes a lot of people, me included, very disappointed to hear a tale like this and even though I'm not a very religious person I think a quote is fitting 'he who has never sinned may cast the first stone'. We can all learn from others mistakes as well as our own so let's forgive this one and continue to help as much as we can!

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I think we got the wrong impression!

Dear Guest,

I think when we read your first post a lot of us were under the impression that this was your first sexual contact with this guy and you hadn't told him. I think we are reacted a little harshly (myself included) because of this impression. My apologies for the blast you got. (For everyone else who has responded to Guest's first post I guess we've just learnt a good lesson, ask questions before blowing off steam!!)

Guest, my current partner does not have herpes and neither did my previous partner so I can understand your distress. As we know even with the use of condoms there is still no guarantee that we won't pass herpes on outside the are covered by the condom. (Of course it's still the best protection) The hardest part I have found in having these relationships is trying to convince myself that it's OK to have herpes rather than trying to convince my partner(s).

Even now, everytime my partner has a 'little scratch', as guys do, I panic little but he is responsible for his own actions, he knows the risks and he was willing to take them. We are all responsible for ourselves. Please don't beat yourself up too much! (it's tough not to worry when we really care about someone but you can only protect him to a point.) If he werent with you he may be out having unprotected sex with someone who hasn't told him they have it and pick it up that way, the only difference is that you've told him.

Just a point to ponder: When I was with my first non-herpes partner I really panicked about passing it on to him, I realised after a while that the panic was more that if he were to get it I would feel so guilty that I would feel obliged to stay with him for life. Bad, I quickly realised that my fears were selfish and ended the relationship. Herpes helped me realise that I wasn't in love enough to commit to this guy and saved my from wasting his and my valuable time in a relationship that was doomed not to last!

Herpes, ahem, is the best thing that ever happened to me as far as relationships go!!! It is a wonderful tool in helping a guy work out whether he likes me enough to stay and it helps me work out if it's a good thing to stay myself. Call me sick and twisted but I think you get my drift!

I hope this has been of more help to you,

Christi.

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Hi guest,

See I knew there was something about your post that didn't say you didn't tell.

Sorry if we all came on a little hard.

I actually got it from playing russian roulette and the damn bullet was loaded (ha). My partner did not tell me that he had it (i don't think he actually knew-and still hasn't gotten checked {not my problem anymore}. We used a condom though and I still got it.

I guess it just depends. If you're shedding I'm guessing your shedding from below the belly button to your Knees. So condoms don't hide everything.

Since you told him, I'm sorry that you're feeling regret or saddened. I wish you didn't feel any quilt. He understood the consequences. Though I would never give it to someone intentionally(as you wouldn't either), there is nothing you can do if you were shedding and told him. We don't know when we are shedding. That's why we have to tell our partners, so that they understand that there are risks.

Please don't feel bad.

As for symptoms. I had a horrible sinus infection. Sore throat and bad cough. I didn't have these symptoms until 6 weeks after I was infected. When I had the infection I went on antibiotics after antibiotics. Finally my doctor said, your body just might be trying to fight a virus. Give it some time. I didn't actually have an outbreak until July. I did however feel like I was allergic to condoms the week after being infected. But my outbreaks are worse than that was now.......so I don't think that was my primary outbreak.

You do have integrity and courage. I hope I have it one day!

Lovely

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Guest Anonymous

Wow, I haven't logged on in a couple of days. Thanks christi and lovely for your understanding and apologies. I can understand where my message may not have been clear. Christi, I know exactly how you feel when you referred to worrying about infecting your partner. That is always a concern of mine. I too have tried to convince myself rather than my partner that it is not that bad having the disease. However, you guys, I have learned that although it may seem as if your life is coming to an end when you find out about it, things do get better and it's not the end of the world. I remember thinking that my life would never be the same again and that has not been the case at all. I was so young when this happened to me. I wasn't even old enough to know what I was doing. I was so young and stupid and I actually believed this guy when he told me that if I didn't have sex with him, he would tell all of my friends bad things about me, so I did it and I got burned, literally!! I won't mention how old I was, but I was under 16, and over 12. Can you imagine having to go to your mother at that age and telling her that you're in pain and you have no idea why?? Because I really didn't. My mom took me to the emergency room because the pain finally got so bad that I couldn't use the bathroom. When I found out what was going on, I was ashamed and most of all, horrified because my mom had to hear that I had herpes. She didn't even know that I knew anything about sex, (heck I didn't know anything!!)

Trust me, this is a horrible thing to have to go through, but I have also learned that the better care you take of yourself, the less outbreaks you have. I have sometimes went a couple of years without having them. I exercise regularly and I eat right. Lovely, I think I read that you were diagnosed not too long ago? Trust me, I know how you're feeling right now, but just know that just because you've been diagonsed with this, it doesn't make you dirty or less of a person. I'm sure that you, along with everyone else are beautiful inside and out :) Just take really good care of yourself physically and emotionally. There are so many things that you can do to prevent breakouts. Just please, don't get down on yourself. Things will get better.

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