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laughsalot

Shocked!!

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laughsalot

Hi everyone,

I just found out yesterday that I tested positive for HSV-2, and saying that I'm in complete shock is an understatement.......I saw this forum and felt I needed to write something because I don't know what else to do. I have been in a relationship for the last 18 mo. and just broke up about 3 weeks ago......I just let her know about the results this morning........she didn't appear to be as shocked as I, so maybe she was aware prior to our relationship, I cannot be sure........I have all of these questions going thru my head right now as I cannot see my Dr. until this coming monday.

I feel that my life is over, but in reading these posts, it has helped me somewhat.......I just spoke with my brother about it as I was starting to freak out.....This has helped too.....I was interested in dating prior to getting the news, but now I feel what is the use. I'm embarassed as hell, and I feel a bit helpless.....I'll bet this is very similar to what most of you have felt too. I am a professional, and don't make it a habit of sleeping around, but it doesn't really matter does it. I don't know what to do other than to just type!!! I'm shocked as hell, and try to get comfort in just putting down something in writing.

I'm not sure if I'll even be able to do the things I love to do......like cycling? Can I do a 100 mile bike ride without the risk of an ob?, or can I go backpacking without the risk of an ob? These questions I will ask my Dr. but I'm still asking them here again to gain some sort of comfort in putting it out there.

I don't mean to come across as a downer here, but I'm really feeling that way right now........I'm actually the opposite...very upbeat and positive......It's just that I'm in disbelief!!

I don't know much about the HSV-2 but I'm learning. I'm hoping that since I had shingles about 4 years ago, that the antibodies from that virus are what's making the HSV-2 show up positive in the test.......I don't know, but will ask the Dr. Does anyone know? I see that they are similar viruses, but I haven't a clue.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

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Lifeislife

Did you have an actual outbreak? If you did and had a culture, the results will be accurate.

I would tell you to try not to freak out, but I did. Heh. If she does not seem shocked by this...it could be either that numb button some people have on getting news like that and knowing there is nothing to be done until you get the results or she knew she had it and did not tell you. The former is how I coped until I found out for certain I was positive for HSV. Then I freaked.

There are numerous ways to suppress outbreaks. Talk to your doctor or research the right bar here. It's very helpful. You should still be able to do all your normal things. The longer you have the virus, the less it causes troubles, usually.

It is very embarrassing and can cause you to feel humiliated to know you are carrying HSV. Realize that dating life is not over. Being honest with women you get involved with before you have sexual contact will impress greatly the nature of your personality. If you are rejected for it, consider that it has just told you that the person was not the one for you. Shake it off and move on.

I have had to have the talk with four different men since I was infected. I have never been rejected for it. This virus is everywhere. I tell the person that 1 in 4 are infected. What are the chances that the next person they date will have the strength of character to tell them?

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msaernyoj

Hey there

I was soooo upset and v angry (mostly with myself) when I discovered I had HSV2 after having unprotected sex with a partner who I trusted when we talked about STDs and he said he had none. Turns out he didn't know he did. Or at least that's what he said. I contacted him telling him I had a problem and had gone to the doctor and been diagnosed... he said a few weeks later later that he traced it back to his ex wife who had cheated on him.The relationship did not work in the end but not just because of the stress of the HSV situation... we weren't meant for each other.

I have trouble coming to terms with what happened... do I believe him? Why was I so stupid and trusting? Do any of these questions matter?... not really. It is what it is and I cannot do anything about the fact that I now have HSV2 and, as hard as it is to keep your chin up when I seem to think about it 100 times a day, letting it bring me down and stress me out doesn't get me anywhere at all.

I have so many questions about this virus which I will post in other areas (fears that I have transmitted it to my face - not lips, but skin etc...) BUT the main thing I want to tell you is that your dating life is NOT over!

I am a well educated, intelligent, high income earning individual from a great family background & although have an active sex life with solid partners, I am not promiscuous. I am proud of where I am (well was) in life... and when I contracted HSV2 I assumed that none of those qualities were even relevant anymore as I was "infected". I also assumed, rather naively or potentially even rudely, that this was something that only people who slept around really ever got. I knew those thoughts weren't true, but I suppose I thought it "just wouldn't happen to me as I was (verbally) careful" and now I was used goods with a sexual past that would haunt my future relationships.

I went into my first relationship post getting HSV2 about 5 months later. I was nervous as hell. The first date was amazing... and the second even better, and the third... even BETTER... after a while I realised I was at the point where I was removing myself from potential situations with him where things could get sexually serious because I was too nervous & embarrassed to say anything. Eventually I realized that I really really liked this guy and would soon be in the situation of wanting to have sex and I HAD to say something before we were in the heat of the moment. I could not engage in sex with him unless I did. I felt sick, embarrassed, I cried when I said it, but explained how it happened and a bit about it.

He, to my complete surprise (I expected him to back away), told me that it did not change a thing...he was so happy being with me that this was something we were just going to have to deal with in our relationship... and we started doing some research about how to avoid him contracting it. We have not always been as careful as we should be, even when I am having no symptoms - it can still be transmitted. He has had no indications that he has contracted it, but it's possible he has. I live with the fear/guilt of this every day and try to make sure that we don't break the rules. Although sometimes it feels like it would be easier if he just had it... I would NOT wish this on anyone and so we are careful.

It does certainly take a toll on your sex life. We want each other a lot more than we can have each other! I am hoping that my outbreaks will slow down a little. I think I have had about 4 "real ones" since I got it nearly a year ago (6 months before my second one and then 3 in 5 months)... but most are very mild, and sometimes I get symptoms with no real obvious outbreak... so we abstain more than we probably need to to be safe.

Like LifeisLife says... if you are meant to be together then genital herpes will not stop that. It is hard to confront your new partner with it... but it just means taking a steady measured approach to your relationships & sex life.

Good luck.

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laughsalot

Thank you both for your comments......

Lifeislife, yes I did have an outbreak, and I'm guessing it was a about a year ago and it was right under where the belt buckle goes......She was an RN so I didn't think much of it as she didn't seem concerned. I had since had ob's (not a lot), and again she didn't seem alarmed, nor did I since she was medically trained (right)??........So when I told her yesterday and she didn't seem as "shocked" as I still am, I'm wondering if she has known? all along?? She thinks that the test is a false positve from both of us having had shingles before we met, and the irritations that I received were from overuse....

I would love to believe that.....But I really don't. I'm still severely depressed about this, and I still can't bring myself to get out of the house and go to work......You comments do help. I at least have the weekend, and will se the doc on Monday.....Until then I just need to get outside I guess.

Thanks again to everyone who has shared their experience.

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Lifeislife

Her behavior sounds extremely suspicious, especially from an RN. An RN would know the difference between a "heat rash" and an outbreak. I want to believe she is not one of those people....like the one who infected me, but it's all too possible.

I guess see if she actually makes an appointment and goes to it. Offer to go with her. Chances are if she already had it and been diagnosed, she would try to dodge going to the doctor to be "diagnosed".

The best you can do is try to carry on as normal. For me, doing "normal" activities and routines helped take the situation out of the spotlight some. I had comfort in knowing that I really wasn't carrying a sign on my forehead that said, "I have an STD". I could go out with friends and just forget about it, because I wasn't the type to sleep around anyhow.

For me, beyond having "the talk" and taking extra precautions, H does not affect my day to day life. I chose not to date for a while in order to adapt emotionally and be ready and capable to have "the talk". I basically chose to take solo time to take care of myself so I would have the confidence to face that most awkward of situations.

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