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i'm clueless....

Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

Please help.

i've been infected with HSV for about6 years now. and i've infected my girlfriend of 4 years. we've een together since. but now its going down hill. she really isnt the one for me. and we've been struggling wth living with eachother, and dealing with eachother day to day.

when ever we get into arguments, she brings it up, "well you gave me herpes! its your fault! i didnt ask for this! i'll never marry, i'll never bear children!" it destroys me and i find myself constantly trying to mend a relationship i know doesnt work, but its the only one i have and i cant bear to go out into the world with this virus.

i feel guilty for giving it to her and ruining her life. i feel like i cant ever leave her. the thought of her trying to deal in the world with this disease because of me kills me.

how do i cope?

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Guest Anonymous

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Something similar to that happened to me and I had to really fight to keep my head and make my decision to leave or stay without the influence of guilt. I hadn't given it to him it turns out, but the chance was there and he was really driving that point home with some really cruel words as I was trying to leave. I did leave, even not knowing. There was no way I could tolerate his abuse any longer.

We all take risks. The odds caught up with you, with her, with me, it happens. You really are in a tough spot but it'll get easier with time. If you really are at the point where you know it won't work it might help just to think through the options. If you stay with her out of guilt, obviously that won't work. And at the same time, if she's the kind of person who would want to guilt someone into staying with her, it won't work. You didn't ruin her life. You don't have that power. And only she has the power to make her life as wonderful as it can be. If she works toward that, herpes will be such an insignificant part of her life she will probably one day feel very silly about her dramatic words.

Take care

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People say mean things when they are upset... its a fact... we simply don't think, or at least Most of us don't.

I think, I would really take a look at this situation from a third person perspective, I remember when there was a girl, i've been together for a couple of years, and we too got into our fair share of arguements, almost everyday in fact, and it too was draining my energy, I said some meanthings, she said her MEAN things, and to make a long story short... we split.

Now looking at it, I 've realized, What that girl meant to me.. i mean i knew it before, we were very close and i knew i liked her a lot when ever i was with her, we talked everyday on the phone and everything...

So i guess, my advice... if that girl makes you happy.. and really look at it from a "DIFFERENT" perspective, you should think before you act.. sometimes you never realize what you have untill its gone.. and once a Girl is fed up... nothing we/ you can do to change that.

Just know Your situation... Know your priorities and let your heart and (mind) guide you... EVERYONE deserves to be happy...

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Don't stay because of the Herpes - you both deserve to be with people you love. She needs to educate herself about his to come to terms with it - she's been hiding with you for all of this time...

I can empathise with your guilt - but don't let it control your decisions - just learn & grow from the experience.

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
    • Anonimus
      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
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