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Had a sore and didn't know it. Freaked out!

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I'm totally freaked out. I was with my boyfriend last night and this morning several times and then in the shower I noticed a sore that was pretty far along. It had just started oozing. I hate being so descriptive but I get them anally, for a long time I thought they were hemorrhoids. We didn't have anal sex and (and I don't even understand how I got these anally as I've never had anal sex) but I don't recall feeling any direct contact with the area. So I don't know how at risk he is, even though I know it's pretty bad and very likely I gave it to him. I know it's the most contagious time to have sex. I take Valtrex daily, 500mg, and this is the first one that ever snuck through.

I'm petrified. He knows I have herpes so it's not a secret. I told him before we started sleeping together and he accepted it. But still I don't know he ever really understood what it would mean if he did get it. That this would be a life long issue to deal with.

I'm debating weather to tell him I found the sore this morning, not because I'm avoiding it, but because on the off chance he didn't get it I don't want to make him paranoid waiting. Also he is going though some very tough personal issues at the moment and this couldn't be a worse time for him to get this. If he didn't get it I don't want to add to his stress by him waiting and worrying. Why should both of us be in a panic. If he wasn't going through so much other really difficult things at the moment I think he could handle this better, but right now one more thing to deal with would just be so bad.

I feel so awful I can't even describe it.

Am I totally wrong for thinking of not telling him about the sore. I want to do the right thing, but I don't want to make his current situation worse.

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Well, as they say, what is done, is done.

Since I understand you told him you had herpes before engaging in sex, that means that he is aware of the risk. What he was exactly thinking, you may never know, but you can assume that he evaluated his risks and he understands how he can be affected.

I don't know how quickly a sore develops, but is it possible it develops so quickly overnight? Is it possible there was nothing there in the evening and it's already oozing in the morning? Well, if so, you cannot blame yourself.

Whether you tell him about this sore is up to you. But I think since you had the Talk with him already, it is not necessary to do it again - I mean - what good would it do - it will just make him nervous and he'll get this h paranoia when you check yourself for sores every 3 minutes. What you can do now is just not to have sex until the sore heals.

Good luck

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Coming up fast

I've had herpes for 20 years now and have never had the warning signs I've heard about. My outbreaks don't even really hurt. I usually find them because I felt a bump while going to the bathroom or in the shower. Even my very first outbreak was like that. One morning (20 some odd years ago) I took a shower and was fine, didn't see a thing. That night getting into bed I felt a pinch on the inside of my thigh, and not even a bad one, and when I looked there was a half-dollar size cluster of blisters. After they burst a few hours later it hurt like hell however. But there was no way I could have missed that in the morning. It came up over the course of the day with no symptoms. I exercise a lot and am very active, so it's not like I'm unaware of what's going on with my body. They just come up fast.

It's been the same with all the other outbreaks over the years only now I only get one blister not a cluster. If I get any sensation at all that I'm about to get a blister, it's a few hours at best. And usually just feels like some clothing is pinching. Very minor. I actually wish I did have more symptoms. It would be easier to protect my boyfriend.

This is one of the reasons I decided to take the Valtrex daily since I usually don't know an OB is coming, easier just to stop them. But like I mentioned this is the first time I've had an OB while taking it.

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I had unprotected sex with my bf during my very first ob (so I did not know it was an ob, just thought I was sore). We had sex twice while I had the pain. That was 4-5 months ago and he just recently tested negative, so even though I was starting my first ob, he did not get it. Try not to be paranoid about it, hopefully the location of your sore will keep him from getting it.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Stupida
      @srinivas thank you for the suggestion. Are you on antivirals? How long have you had HSV? How well do you feel now that you are taking the supplements?
    • Trace67
      It doesnt really mean much yet. They still dont know if the herpes is taking advantage of a diseased brain or causing the disease. Furthermore, there is evidence that Alzheimer's might be caused by oral spirochete disease and even Lyme. Many of you could have oral Spirochetes but the Lyme and is less likely. https://globallymealliance.org/pathogen-cause-alzheimers-disease/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5008232/ https://newsblog.drexel.edu/2016/02/10/do-infections-cause-alzheimers-disease/   Of course it could be both! Maybe having hsv-1 and oral spirochetes quadruples the risk.  In my opinion the spirochete theory sounds more likely and its hard to dismiss neurosurgeons and caretakers getting Alzheimers from a disease that was previously thought to be non contagious. I'd worry more about Spirochetes.  
    • Rgs77
      Did ldn work.
    • honkschonks
      I wonder if people in the military are tested for hsv, because the general public isn’t. You have to specifically ask for it and many doctors don’t even see the point because it’s “so common”. It’s very possible he has it and has no symptoms or very mild random symptoms. Sorry to hear what you’re dealing with. It seems like women’s symptoms are worse than men’s.
    • WilsoInAus
      No that’s not the issue at all. The absolute vast majority of nerve pain is not caused by herpes. Hence it cannot be used to reverse engineer a diagnosis of herpes. That is exceptinally dangerous and we must do all we can encourage proper diagnosis.

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