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i am a horrible and stupid person

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i contracted genital herpes a year and a half ago at the age of 19 from a quick fling with a guy i really liked. (we used condoms may i add but i still got it - unlucky!) Since then my confidence has been totally knocked. I'm not a particularly forward person as it is so i've steered clear of dating as i never thought i could ever tell a guy.

The thing is i've been dating this guy for just over a month and i really really like him. I've slept with him a few times, the first time with a condom, but not since (this is why i really really despise myself). I really really hate myself i dont know why i did it, i guess i just wanted to feel like i was in a normal safe relationship like one i was in a few years ago. Now i feel like its too late to tell him because i've been selfish enough to keep it quiet and not use contraception. He has every right to hate me.

I don't really know why i'm posting this as i know i'll recieve nothing but negative replies if any but i feel in such a panic. i'm petrified im going to spend the rest of my life alone

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Hi, englishrose. It sounds like you are having a rough time. This is hitting you pretty hard, huh?

Talking about our herpes is scary when we fear rejection. Lots of people here face their fears around herpes regularly, and have grown super strong. They have a lot of ideas about addressing issues that come up around herpes and dating that I'm sure they'll share with you.

You seem pretty unhappy with the fact that you've put your friend at risk. I believe it's really important to let people choose to take their own risks.

Let me know if I can help.

Hang in there.


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Hang in there!

I know this is extremely hard for you right now, you have to know that you are going to be ok. I just had to go through this exact same thing recently. It was before we had intercourse but we had fooled around a bit and I was just trying to figure out how to tell him when I found this website. I do believe that you should tell him. He definately has a right to know, but naybe their is someone that you both know that you trust to be there with you, and that might make it a bit easier. Regardless I think you will feel better about yourself if you tell him. You take care of yourself ok!

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I agree, it's important you tell him. Please just keep in mind how much MORE upset he's going to be if he gets it, goes to the doctor and gets a diagnosis, then comes to you to tell you. You'd have to tell him that not only did you give it to him, but you KNEW you could. That would be even WORSE than telling him now!

You need to tell him, and you know that. Be prepared for him to walk away, though. If he does, use this as a learning tool for next time, and tell FIRST, sex LATER.

Please let us know how it goes!

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