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Scared and alone.

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Hello everyone. I am a 22 year old female and I just found this site and instantly knew this is something I needed. I recently just found out that I have genital herpes.

I was dating a guy for 4 years... he was an amazing person but there were some deeper issues that we needed to figure out so we decided to see other people. About 6 months later I started dating a new man... he was so sweet and amazing.. we started dating and about 3 months into dating, I one day started feeling sick.. I had a sore throat, swollen glands, a fever of 103 and the next day I had a bunch of blisters down in my vaginal area. I immediately went to the doctor and she took one look at it and said she thought it was herpes. I was in shock. I instantly started crying. I hated myself. I was so ashamed and embarassed. I instantly felt dirty and wanted to take a shower and never get out. I went home and called my boyfriend and told him. He was certain he didn't have it. He said there was never any reason for him to believe he had it. I told him to get tested. A week later it came back positive through a blood test that he had it. Does this mean that he was the one that gave it to me? The weird thing about it is that he was not fazed by it at all... which makes me wonder if he knew all along. He is not stressed or worried at all. I tell him about what a hard time I am having dealing with it and he tells me its not the end of the world. I got to the point that I coulnt be touched because I felt ugly and gross that I finally told him I needed to be alone... we are no longer together. Part of me feels betrayed because my heart tells me that he knew and just didnt tell me and I can't be with someone I feel that way about.

I feel like a bad person, I feel dirty, I feel like a slut even though he was the 3rd man I have ever slept with and they have all been boyfriends. I work as a waitress and I feel like I should not be allowed to serve food to people. I throw everything in the wash after using it in fear that my family or friends my catch it. I wake up every morning thinking about it and think about it all day long until I go to bed. I never want to date again in fear of telling someone about it. How can anyone look at me in a desired way knowing that I have this? Who will ever want to sleep with me knowing that they are going to risk getting it?

I feel like more than ever people will make comments about "dirty people" have herpes and I'm afraid the world knows I have it. The only person I have told is the guy I was dating and feel gave it to me. I havent told any of my friends in fear that they will judge me and these are friends I have had for years and years. I have missed work and left early because I felt like I would burst out in tears and to be honest I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. When I feel this way I feel terrible. There are people out there fighting to live with cancer and other life threatening diseases and I cant get over herpes... but its true. I feel like my life is over. Im sorry to bring such negative vibes to such a positive website but I feel lost and hopeless. Any advice will help. Thank you all for listening.


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We all felt lost and hopeless at the beginning, but it does get better. Really it does. I feel so much better about myself now and it's been 4 months since i was diagnosed. you are young like me i'm 24 and there are so many things to look forward to in life. you are not dirty or a slut. you just had some bad luck. I think the name HERPES is what bothers us the most b/c honestly it's not as bad as people think it is. do your research find out what type you have it will make you feel better. good luck to you and if you ever need someone i'm always here.;)

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Hi and welcome! I'm glad you found us. this is a great place for support. :)

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i feel the same way i just found out also and you just said out loud everything i have been thinking! all i can think is dirty and i have a sign on my back telling everyone that i have this!

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This is a virus, not a badge of shame!

It's a virus! Some people are born with it. Some people, like me, spent years sleeping around (for which I am most definitely NOT sorry, it was great!) and then got it from the one person they were faithful to (what irony!) for years.

There are many different ways people get this virus.

Some unlucky people here have gotten it the first time they ever engaged in sexual relations! How's that for bad luck?

Having this doesn't say ANYTHING at all about what kind of person you are. It's just a miserable virus. You did not do anything to deserve being sick any more than cancer patients deserve to have cancer or people deserve to have the common cold or sinus trouble or heart disease or constipation. It's part of the human conditon to get sick sometimes. It is not a comment on your character.

Human beings are sexual creatures. All human beings have sexual feelings and most human beings act on these feelings in one way or another at one time or another in their lives. It is part of being human.

The only morality I am personally concerned with is how (in our sex lives and in our lives in general) we treat other people; how honest or dishonest we are, how kind or cruel, how helpful or indifferent to the well being of others. That is what makes us a good or a bad person, not how much and with whom we engage in sexual activities.

A virus does not make us bad. Yes, there IS a social stigma attached to this virus and a lot of ignorance out there about it. But allow yourself to rise above this kind of thinking at least in your own mind, in your own world. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON because you got herpes! This kind of stigma driven ignorant thinking is today's equivalent of the kind of race prejudice I can remember from back in the 1950s (I'm an old chick). Don't allow yourself to be a victim of this ignorant view of herpes.

You have a viral condition that will have to be managed, both medically and socially. It IS a problem in your life and, like many other illnesses, not much fun to have. It would be much better if you didn't have it. But it says absolutely nothing about you as a person. Understanding that will make you stronger about approaching others and even dating and getting to know people. If you believe it, you will tend to attract others who do, too. Other people are more likely to see you as a good person if you do.

Everyone here knows how you feel now. We have all gone through these kinds of awful feelings. Your life is NOT over. It's just a VIRUS, not the end of all good things.

Hang in there. YOU ARE OK. You are a good person who happens to have contracted a viral condition. You are stuck with coping with it--until a cure comes out and I believe that will happen one of these years. But remember, it says absolutely nothing about YOU.

We all felt this kind of despair. And most of us now feel better even if we are not outright happy about having this thing. But we know that it is just a virus, NOT a badge of shame or barrier to all happiness in life.

Feel free to email me any time if you need support. And keep on posting here. People here are very helpful and they all know what you are going through. You are not alone. Hang in there.

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