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anonymous=(

In a dazed state.

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anonymous=(

For this first time in my life, I'm going to be completely honest.

I'm 20 years old and yesterday was tested for herpes. I don't know much about what is going on because I couldn't ask any questions, I just cried. My test results come back sometime this week, and I don't even want to answer the phone, even though I know it can't be anything else besides herpes. I have one terribly sore ulcer and then 6 maybe 7 smaller sores, that's probably a lot, huh? I have no idea. I feel like I'm falling apart.

Here's my story from the start.

I was 14 or 15 the first time I ever did anything with a guy, he has probably had cold sores, but I mean...it's been 6 years?? After that boyfriend I had a serious one (as serious as it can be at 15) I lost my virginity to him and he lost his to me...no problems there, after that I was a little wild something may have happened there. Then I met the most amazing guy ever. My current boyfriend. I was 16 and he was 21 but it was right. He's so great, I can't even explain. After two years of dating, once I graduated, I moved in with him and then about a year later I started to freak out, and I cheated on him. We were "on a break" cause i was so scared, being 19 living with my boyfriend, I dunno, sleeping with him the rest of my life. (I'm the only person he's slept with) Well, now, here we are almost a year after that incident and I'm doing it again, minus the cheating part. I moved in with my friend for a about a week. Well, we had sex Wednesday and that day I noticed it was burning when I used the bathroom. The next day I looked at my sore spot, and it looked like a really bad ingrown hair. The next day I had a lot more spots, so finally I had him look at it, we were both pretty worried. I broke down crying...I can't handle having herpes. He was for sure that it isn't herpes, but I knew that it was. So I went to the doctor Monday and got tested, the doc. said that it's more than likely herpes and I just got my medicine today. I was worried that maybe he cheated on me while we were broken up this past week...but I know that he didn't..he loves me too much....I keep leaving him, for no reason, and he keeps taking me back. And now that I've more than likely given him herpes because I slept around, he's still willing to stay with me.

So here I am, taking herpes meds, I cry at random times cause I think about how my life is changing. I want support, but I too scared to tell anyone. I'm scared of losing my boyfriend, I want to be able to have sex with him. I mean, will we be able to even have oral sex? I don't want our sex life to change...man, I'm crying again.

I feel so dirty. I don't know what to do.

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chevyMisty

Sorry to hear that you have joined our ranks. But I'll tell you what I tell everyone and I do think everyone else says the same cause it's true. It gets easier with time. I cried like a baby when I found out and I don't cry at much. I was confused. I was mad. And taking pills for me is anything but easy. My throat closes so I have to drink extra water and just push down. It's a living hell. But there are many natural ways to deal with this. Natural ways just aren't my ways. *shrugs* But lots of people on this board have had lots of success with them. This is a life sentence but not a death sentence. It's hard. Especially in the middle of a OB. It's hard when you look at other people and wonder if they really have a way of knowing you have it. It's hard going to the pharmacy and getting the meds because you feel dirty and you know they know what it's for. It's hard because of how people will see you. But it gets easier. It wont be as hard as time goes on. You get used to it, or as used to it as you can. I don't cry about it anymore but I will tell you six months later I still get pissed about it. But it does get easier and you don't feel so dirty.

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anonymous=(

you're right about the pharmacy, when i went to get my meds, there were probably 10 people in line and sitting and waiting. I had gone the night before and they wanted to charge me 250.00!! I cried standing there again. My insurance company never send my prescription card, so I had to deal with that. But when I had gone the night before I was the only one in the pharmacy, and I wasn't so embarrassed about getting it. But when I went the next day, I was just waiting for the guy to be like, "ok...she's here for her Valtrex!!!" then everyone would look at me in disgust. I was just waiting for it...but the guy at the front was like, this was what you were paying, showed me the bag with the receipt saying 248.99 laughed, then stapled the new one saying 45.00 and was like "and now you'll pay this.." rang me up and told me to have a nice day. now even if he was faking it, and just bein nice cause it's his job. it was a lot easier than i was expecting.

now...i just need to get rid of this ob...and i feel like it's spreading, I don't know what to doooo!

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chevyMisty

Just calm down and let the meds go to work. Oh and Acyclovir is much cheaper. I pay like 7 bucks for it and I don't have insurance. Just so you know. I think you have to take more of it though. Still works.

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