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mymummy1

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mymummy1

Hi, I was diagnosed with Type 1 herpes about 5 years ago while I was in a serious relationship. Unfortunately, that ended after 4 years (and us being engaged), and I am trying to start dating again. I recently met this great guy, but as we started getting closer, I felt that it was important that I tell him about my herpes. I have only had 2 outbreaks, which I am told is good. However, after telling this guy about my herpes, he sort of freaked out, and have not really heard from him since. He may just be trying to take it all in, but it may just be too much for him. The sad thing is I feel that if I were in his shoes, I would probably have reacted the same. It's just tough being the one branded with this horrible thing and hoping that I will eventually meet someone who is willing to be cautious with me, and look past it.

Does anyone have any suggestions/experiences they can share on telling a new partner about their herpes and what the reactions were?

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ginnyp

There are lots of stories on this forum where people had to tell, both success stories and unfortunately ones that didn't go so well. I am in a relationship with a negative guy, but I didn't have my first ob until AFTER I was already having sex with him. I didn't know I had herpes. So I thought I got it from him, but it turns out I already had it. When I told him, I had not done much research yet and it definitely did not come out right. He freaked out but at the same time relaxed a little - basically said he wanted to be with me, he wanted to be my boyfriend, and he wasn't going anywhere. We have had to go through a lot but we've been together now for 6 months. His bloot test was recent and negative, but he has done a lot of reading and listening to me about H, and he - just like me - gets less scared of it every day. :)

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seashell

HI and welcome. I'm glad you found us. This is a great place for support. :)

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Ashennx

I've had a couple bad experiences with telling others that i have herpes as well. Your basic scenerio of (1) Meet and things start going good, (2) Things start getting serious enough to the point where a potential romantic and/or sexual relationship is pretty immenent (3) I tell the young lady that i have genital herpes (4) I stand in my doorway and try to find interesting shapes in the cloud of dust she leaves behind her as she runs away.

There is absolutly no doubt that it hurts to get that kind of reaction. My personal rationalization of that reaction is that "... she just wasn't the one."

I was lucky enough to meet a young lady that didn't react that way. When i told her, she simply stated that she had no problem with it, but would like a little while to do some research on the matter. Then asked to come over to my apartment and use my computer to do the said research. First thing she did upon walking through the door is plant a big wet kiss on me and ask if i'd like her to cook dinner for me and my sons (i'm a single dad, raising 2 sons). I knew at that moment that i had stumbled across a truly great woman.

The point to this whole narrative is that there are those out there that will be understanding and accepting. Don't get discouraged and please don't give up. It may take some time, but things will work out.

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Lifeislife

I have told four men about it and all of them accepted it. I am currently involved with someone and disclosed it pretty early. He was fine about it and over a month into the relationship, it occurred to me to ask if he had ever had coldsores. As it turned out, he was pretty sure he did. Considering that my genital HSV is type 1, the one typical to coldsores, the chances of him catching it genitally are greatly reduced. Funny how things turn out.

Here is my first post on these forums in relation do dating and disclosure. I hope it helps.

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/showthread.php?t=9791

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mymummy1

Thanks everyone to your replies. It is a bit discouraging to know that I could possibly lose what seems to be a great guy over something I have no control over. However, the worst part about all of this, is that if I was in his shoes, I would probably have freaked out also. I feel so hypocritical, especially since I am hoping he (or anyone for that matter) will come around. I hope that with time he will come around, but it doesn't look like that will be the case.

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Lifeislife

Alot of us felt the same way. I was terribly uneducated about the virus before I was infected. I always believed you could only catch it if someone had symptoms and I thought the symptoms were something that would be hard to miss. So why would people have sex with someone who had sores on their privates? Seriously.

In the end, I was infected by someone who had one sore the size of the tip of a sharpened pencil.

I can say, that unless I really felt like the relationship was promising, I might have really struggled with the decision on whether to stay or go.

I would suggest sending him an email or trying to talk to him one more time, without backing him into a corner, if you think that you may not have presented it to him well. Suggest that he researches it a bit and understands that so many people have this, that there is a strong chance he will encounter it again...but perhaps not be told.

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ceairea
Hi, I was diagnosed with Type 1 herpes about 5 years ago while I was in a serious relationship. Unfortunately, that ended after 4 years (and us being engaged), and I am trying to start dating again. I recently met this great guy, but as we started getting closer, I felt that it was important that I tell him about my herpes. I have only had 2 outbreaks, which I am told is good. However, after telling this guy about my herpes, he sort of freaked out, and have not really heard from him since. He may just be trying to take it all in, but it may just be too much for him. The sad thing is I feel that if I were in his shoes, I would probably have reacted the same. It's just tough being the one branded with this horrible thing and hoping that I will eventually meet someone who is willing to be cautious with me, and look past it.

Does anyone have any suggestions/experiences they can share on telling a new partner about their herpes and what the reactions were?

Hello, I have both genital herpes and genital warts. I got both of these from my boyfreind. I'm only 22 soon to be 23. I have 2 lil boys. Today I learned some new info that I did'nt know about how and when my boyfreind got this and gave it to me. I just have one question, If he found out from the person that gave it to him while he was with me, should he have let me know as well so that I could have been tested. Or was he right for getting himself tested and not telling me. I dought that anyone would say that was the right way to go. However, he got tested 4 yrs ago. He claim that he was negative. When I first found the bumps on him he told me that they where hair bumps. Still 2 months later they where still there. On the day that I decided to go and be tested he lets me know that he had been with someone that had herpes. But it was suppose to be before me. Does that not sound quilty or what? HAHAHAHA. Anyways I came back positive and he acted all surprised. Today I found out that when this girl told him about this we were together. He never told me until I went to the doctor. I just don't know what to do. I feel like he betrayed me and did this to me on purpose. Am I reading to much into this or am I right to feel the way that I do. I have read alot of these messages that are on here and I would hate to have to go through some of the things that I have read. So it's kind of hard for me to kick him to the curb cause I don't want to have to be alone and wonder and wait for someone that will except me and these issues that I have. At the same time I never will be able to forgive him for not telling me. So do I stay with him and basically hate him or let him go and hopefully find someone that I can be honest with and hope that they except me and love me. I really need help with this. I would like to hear from some people that are in the same situation or at lease knows where I am coming from.

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mymummy1

I got my type 1 herpes from my boyfriend at the time when he had a canker sore in his mouth. I was not educated at the time that it was even possible to transmit the virus with no visible sores either.

With this new guy that I recently met, we had oral sex one time before I told him that I had H. When we were talking about having other forms of sex though is when I told him. I regret not having told him before we had any sexual contact because I feel that I was not honest with him up front (partly because I didn't want him to freak out, but also, how are you supposed to tell someone you have this in the middle of making out...it is not the most romantic thing to bring up). Anyways, I am bringing this up because I think your boyfriend should have been honest with you once he knew he had the virus. Whether or not he betrayed you on purpose though is hard to say..it would depend on the type of guy he is. I can say that in my case, I did not betray my guy or wanted to hide it from him on purpose, it was more out of fear. If you feel that you can never forgive your guy, and if you're thinking of staying in the relationship b/c you don't want to be alone, than maybe you have some thinking to do on whether its worth being in this relationship. I understand completely that it is scary to wonder if and when you will meet someone that will accept you with all this, but there have been success stories written on here that should keep up optimistic of the possibility (easier said than done though, I know).

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